


Supernova

by circumstashton



Category: 5 Seconds of Summer (Band), One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Hospital, Angst?, M/M, Mental Hospital, No Smut, Schizophrenia, fluff?, may be triggering
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-12
Updated: 2015-03-12
Packaged: 2018-03-17 14:21:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 20,208
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3532580
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/circumstashton/pseuds/circumstashton
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Calum’s black coffee eyes, Calum’s midnight hair, the stars and constellations that fill Calum’s face.</p><p>They kiss, and Luke feels like a supernova. Luke feels like a supernova around Calum.’</p><p> </p><p>Or, Luke has schizophrenia and he couldn’t feel more sane.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Supernova

**Author's Note:**

> This is not only a love story, but I guess it’s showing how Luke changes psychologically. Please bear with the writing at the start - it’s not too great but it gets better as Luke matures. The ending is a bit rushed - sorry!

When Luke had gotten diagnosed with schizophrenia, his mum quickly sent him to the permanent ‘crazy’ ward, and she’d claimed it was for his own good, but Luke, however knew it was because her tea drinking friends would frown upon the fact that the renowned Liz Hemmings had a freak of nature as a son. Luke had ran straight to his room as soon as Liz had told him. He really didn’t understand - his schizophrenia wasn’t as bad as his mother made it out to be.

“We’re here, Luke!” Liz calls out from the front, and Charles quickly steps out to open the door for Luke. Luke quickly clambers out and hoists his canvas bag onto his shoulder.

“Luke. Remember, this is for your own good, yeah? Also, I’ve paid for the hospital to provide you with the best food, bed and assistance. I love you,” Luke rolls his eyes, “No, Luke, I really do, and remember, this isn't permanent.” 

Luke ignores her, and silently treads across the cracked path and up the steps to the entrance of the hospital. He doesn’t want to deal with this ward. 

When Luke realises he should say a goodbye, he finds their Ferrari roaring off, and Luke, however much he may detest his mother at the moment, is inexplicably hurt, and fights the feeling of it when he opens the door.

Luke hadn't had many friends in his private school, because anyone who talked to him was deemed a social pariah since Luke was the son of one of the most successful ladies in the country. The few friends he did have, however, left him almost immediately when he was diagnosed as a freak, though some did try and stay with Luke, they too, left when they realised they couldn't crack him.

He didn't miss anyone, and he could make friends with fellow nutcases. 

“Good morning dear,” the receptionist called out to Luke, “May I be of assistance?”

“Uh, yeah,” Luke quickly walks up to the front of the desk, “I’m being put in to, uh, ward 8?” 

She smiles and types into the computer.

“Luke Hemmings?” she asks, and Luke nods, feeling his cheeks burn.

“Well, Mr. Hemmings, I’ll get Ashton, a boy in your ward to come down yeah?” the receptionist coos, “He’s a very lovely boy, I don’t know why he’s locked up in the—”

She turns to him in mid sentence, her cheeks flushing.

Luke quickly looks down - this has been painful enough - and the silence dawdles.

“Miss. Lawson?” a boy with curly light brown hair arrives at the desk.

“Oh, yes, Ashton!” Miss. Lawson snaps her head up, “This is Luke Hemmings, Luke, this is Ashton Irwin, he’s going to show you around your uh, ward.”

Luke mutters a greeting to Ashton.

“Hi Luke!” Ashton giggles and Luke finds an urge to punch the smile out of his fucking face, “I’ll show you around the ward.”

Luke doesn't think Ashton should be happy in a time like this, locked up in the crazy ward. 

“Okay, Luke,” Ashton becomes serious, “You share the ward with five other boys, including you and me. I’m going to warn you right now that this ward is, how do I put it, the most unhinged. I have no idea why you're being put into it, but I guess time will tell. So there’s the less, uh, crazy ones, which are, Harry, Niall and Louis, they’ve all got milder disorders, ranging from, well, Louis is bipolar, Harry, kind of got like really bad OCD, you get the gist.”

Ashton pauses.

“What about the other two?” Luke asks.

Ashton pales slightly, “well, they’re uh, Michael and Calum, and they’re uh, well, crazy to say the least, but both have loads of triggering issues in their life, with Michael having one bipolar disorder, schizophrenia, and very bad anger issues. Well, Calum, he’s had a really bad past, really bad, and so he’s kind of messed up. He’s got severe anxiety and depression, bipolar disorder, and schizophrenia, so stay away from those two.”

Luke can’t help but feel grateful that he isn't as messed up as those two are. He really doesn't want to meet them.

“Ashton, no offence, but you don’t seem to be the person to be locked up in this uh, ward.” luke says cautiously, because Luke’s a curious little shit.

“None taken!” Ashton laughs and Luke finds the sound oddly calming, “i have mild OCD and slightly schizophrenic.” 

“Oh, I wouldn't have thought OCD was something you’d be put in here for.” Luke has met some OCD people and they seemed perfectly normal.

“Well, when I say mild, I mean quite heavy. OCD isn't a cute little thing where you like everything to be neat and tidy, it’s a disorder, and it’s just this force telling you to stop whatever you’re doing, and sort something out, and I could be sorting it out for days on end.” Ashton explains as they step into the elevator. He presses the number 3, and pulls out a handkerchief to wipe off the fingerprints littering the buttons. When they arrive at the third floor, Luke has to pull Ashton away from the lift, and Ashton seems to snap out of his trance and resumes to showing the way and talking.

“If you don’t mind me asking, Luke, what are you doing here?” Ashton seems apprehensive.

“I’m the son of Liz Hemmings and—” Luke starts.

“Liz Hemmings? I knew your surname was familiar, but Liz Hemmings? Oh my god okay wow. sorry, carry on.” Ashton bursts out.

“Yeah, okay, and she doesn't want her flawless image damaged by a freak of a son. She immediately sent me here as soon as she heard of my schizophrenia.” Luke says.

Ashton lets out a sympathetic sigh, “Figures, I never even knew your mum had a son. Also, I sort of guessed you were schizo, you are being put into the schizo ward after all.”

They walk in silence, and Luke observes the paintings on the wall.

They're done by children, and they are, in some odd way, rather pleasing.

“Well, we’re here!” Ashton flings his arm at a set of double doors.

Luke shuffles his feet.

He adjusts his bag and pushes open the double doors.

His first sight astonishes him.

He watches as the raven haired boy cocks his head to the side, and whimpers. The raven haired boy is quickly joined by a pale, bright red haired boy, the red haired boy mutters some unintelligible words to the raven haired boy, and they both look up.

“Michael and Calum.” Ashton points to each one respectively.

Luke realises that these two are the most damaged ones, but he can’t help stare into the ebony eyes of Calum.

“Luke, don’t.” Ashton warns, but Luke takes no heed.

Luke cautiously approaches the two boys.

Calum gives a cry of horror and shrinks into Michael, moaning and whimpering as Michael glares at Luke.

Luke hears whispers of, “Don’t hurt me,” coming from Calum.

Michael quickly kisses Calum on the top of his head, and quickly hurries to the sink, grabbing a washing towel before coming back to Calum and dabbing Calum’s face with it.

The two boys stay on Calum’s bed muttering and whimpering, glimpsing at Luke a few times.

Ashton sighs, “I told you to stay away. You're lucky you caught them in their calmer personalities.”

Luke shakes his head. He’s going to stay away from both of them.

Ashton walks towards a group of people huddled together.

“Hi guys!” Ashton whispers.

“Hello Ashton.” they reply and curiously glance at Luke.

“This is Luke. He has mild schizophrenia and is joining us.” Ashton says as his way of introduction.

Luke mutters a hello.

“Oh, shit.” the curly haired boy says, raising his eyebrows at something behind Luke.

Behind them comes a large bang and cry of pain.

Luke turns to see Michael and Calum backing up against the wall, wailing and thrashing.

he notes this as schizophrenia, and is about to turn back before—

“You.” Michael opens his mouth as he walks towards Luke, suddenly fine.

“You’re Liz Hemmings’ son aren’t you?” Luke flinches and nods.

From the corner of his eye he see Calum ambling to the snack bar, suddenly unaware of what was going on. Calum picks up an apple.

“I want to hit you so hard but Calum decided to take pity on you.” Michael spits in Luke’s face.

Luke averts his attention to Calum, who is happily munching on an apple, ignoring or unaware of the situation happening.

“I don’t know why he took pity on you, but, Luke Hemmings, you do not know how much I hate you.” Michael is lethal, Luke decides.

Calum finally looks up, panic obvious in his eyes as he takes in the scene. He quickly runs up, and Luke is momentarily scared of what Calum is capable of, but relaxes as he reaches for Michael and starts muttering in his ear. 

Luke must admit, the two boys huddled together were very attractive, as were all the boys in this ward.

Calum giggles and runs off whilst Michael chases him.

“I swear man. They’re hot but psycho crazy.” the blue eyed brown haired boy shakes his head, “Wow, Calum must have taken a liking towards you.”

Luke frowns.

“Hey, Louis, you can’t look at other people whilst we’re dating!” a curly haired boy pushes himself into Louis’ lap.

Luke chokes, dating?

Luke turns to Ashton, who’s busy staring at Michael and Calum.

He notes that all the beds are perfectly symmetrical and all clothes are perfectly aligned.

Luke tries to get Ashton’s attention.

The blond boy, Niall, smirks, “Ash has had this massive crush on Michael and Michael hasn't even talked to Ash once.”

“Don’t remind me, Niall.” Ashton smacks Niall on the back of the head.

—

Calum had been watching, no, looking as the quiffed tall blond boy walk in. 

He hadn’t known they’d be getting a new warder.

He had been in a anxious state, and the thought of someone else was almost excruciating.

The boy had been very tall, and Calum was panicking, even when the boy had not been heading towards Calum.

Calum couldn't breathe. 

He had gasped for air.

now Calum is perched on his bed, with Michael too. They’re muttering to each other and all Calum can think is why the tall boy makes him feel calm.

Calum’s friends visited again just after the tall boy came in, but they seemed to be angry at Calum.

They were shouting and screaming and Calum didn't know what to do.

He never knows what to do when his friends suddenly pop out of nowhere, like they don’t exist.

But they do exist, of course, because Calum can see them.

—

Luke looks amusedly at Ashton, “You’re gay?” 

“Uh, yeah.” Ashton scratches the back of his head, “I’m actually um, bisexual, but I’m more attracted to men.”

Luke nods. He’s not against gays. 

Louis and Harry start kissing and there are a few ‘I love you’s thrown in.

Luke frowns at the sight, since he can hear a voice in his head telling him that—

Luke shakes his head; he shouldn't be listening to that voice.

The psychiatrist had told him it was schizophrenia, and that it was, really, some sort of alter ego he has.

“Hey Niall?” Ashton says and Luke raises his head, “which bed is Luke’s?”

Luke had forgotten about that.

“I think the double bed.” Niall looks around.

“What the fuck? You're so lucky,” Ashton looks at the bed enviously.

Luke shuffles; he feels uncomfortable as he makes his way to the double bed, which is obviously more luxurious than all the other ones.

Slowly, he sits down, and puts his bag on the bed before joining the others.

“Ok Luke, we’re going to give you tips on how to survive this place,” Ashton starts, and the others nod in agreement, “So, tip number one, don’t approach crazy and crazier.”

Luke looks sympathetically at Calum and Michael, but then realises that Ashton has a crush on Michael so he’s (hopefully) joking, and right now, Calum and Michael are still huddled on a bed, except they’re not talking, they’re just cuddling.

“Tip number two. Try and be as normal as possible, don’t show your freak side to the doctors, and hopefully they’ll let you out. That’s what happened to Liam and Zayn. Tip number three, do not develop crushes on Crazy and Crazier, even though both are very attractive and muscular, although obviously I failed.” Ashton continues.

Sniggering at Ashton as he says tip number three, the other boys slap Ashton on the back and make wooping noises. From the corner of his eye, Luke sees Calum whimpering and snuggling closer to Michael and he just wants to tell the other boys to stop it, because also the voices are suffocating Luke and he just can’t think properly. 

At this particular moment, a tall man walks in and the warders all turn to look at him, and all the other boys seem to be familiar with this man. 

“Hey Doctor P!” Louis shouts and jumps up to pat the man on the back.

“Hello, Louis, I see you’re in a good mood.” Dr. P says back, and Luke figures Dr. P is the ward psychologist.

“Luke Hemmings?” Dr. P turns to Luke, pointing his pen.

“Uh, yes sir.” Luke replies.

“Hello, Luke how are you doing?” Dr. P smiles warmly, and Luke can see the laughter lines etched around his eyes.

“Fine.”

“That’s good, yes, are you settling in fine?” Dr. P nods and writes something down on the clipboard.

“Yeah, these boys are very cool.” Luke says awkwardly, berating himself at the choice of words.

“Oh! I haven’t introduced myself yet. My name is Dr. Patrick, but all the warders just call me Dr. P.” 

The other warders woop and slap Dr. Patrick on the back, and Louis shouts, “Swag yo!”

Dr. Patrick laughs, “Well, it seems to me that your mother has given me instructions for you to be provided with the best of the best?”

Luke sighs inwardly, “It’s fine. Don’t worry, I would prefer it if you just treated me the same.”

“Are you sure?” Dr. Patrick peers at Luke over his glasses, “I suppose I could, yes, as long as you take the bed.”

Dr. Patrick waves his hand over to the immaculately made double bed which Luke has already set his bag on, obviously much more luxurious and expensive than all the other beds, except for Calum and Michael’s. Luke looks at both boys’ beds and wonders why they’re just as lavish as Luke’s.

“Luke you absolute fucker.” he feels Louis drape his arm around Luke’s shoulders, and Luke flinches slightly, “How come you get that bed?”

“I don’t know.” Luke mutters (yes he does). 

The rest of the boys join Luke at his bed, and Luke shifts uncomfortably.

“Right Luke, you’re fine with me leaving now?” Dr. Patrick comes over, “This is your wardrobe for your clothes, and the emergency button which you can use in emergencies, obviously, and it will alert either me or one of your nurses.” 

“I’m fine. Thank you, Dr. Patrick.” Luke smiles a tight-lipped smile.

“Are you sure?” Dr. Patrick seems hesitant to leave.

“Yes, I’m fine.” Luke insists and Dr. Patrick sighs.

“Ok, well, I’ll leave you boys to it.” Dr. Patrick looks at Luke’s new found friends sternly, “You’d better treat Luke nicely, or you’ll be put in isolation.”

“Sure will, Dr. P.” Ashton says.

“Goodbye boys, and I hope Luke’ll have a nice time.” Dr. Patrick starts walking towards the door, “oh, and Niall, you’re due for your medicine, so when you’re ready, go and find tracy.”

“Yes sir!” Niall salutes.

Once Dr. Patrick is out of the door, Calum and Michael seem to relax, Luke notices. 

“so, Luke,” Niall winks at Luke, “What do you want to do now?” 

Frowning, Luke looks around the small ward. 

“What even is there to do?” Luke comments, seeing nothing but white.

“Nothing really, but the wifi is good.” Niall shrugs, “That’s what keeps me occupied.”

“Niall,” Ashton butts in, “We’re not even allowed phones.”

“Oh yeah,” Niall scratches the back of his head, “I shouldn't have said that. Ashy gets pissy.”

“Hey, guys? Am I allowed to put up like, posters and shit?” Luke asks, and Luke is itching to decorate the bare walls behind the bed.

“I guess? You’d probably be allowed because of your mum.” Ashton answers, scrunching his nose.

“Yeah, do what you want. Dr. P’s not going to complain otherwise he risks losing his job because your mum is one of the most influential people in the country.” Niall adds.

The boys have gone quiet and Luke wonders what he’s done wrong, maybe it’s because they—

It’s because they don’t like him, because they want Luke to just die, they can’t wait until Luke commits suicide—

Luke shakes his head to try and muffle the voices.

“Ok, so I guess I should put up some posters.” Luke interrupts the voices in his head.

“If you want.” Harry grumbles, and Luke notices that Harry has been very quiet.

Luke carefully takes out a few of his posters, which he has kept them crease free, and starts to tack them against the wall. Luke has about five posters which he can put on the wall.

whilst Luke is decorating his wall, the other boys quietly walk away, and Luke frowns but continues to tape up the all time low poster. He’s stuck up the Sleeping with Sirens one, as well as the Green Day one, and now he has the Pierce the Veil one and the blink 182 one to go.

“You have a good choice in music,” Luke spins around as he hears a low voice by his shoulder.

“Ye-yeah tha-thanks.” Luke takes a deep breath as he apprehensively watches Calum. 

Calum smirks, “You’re welcome, Blondie.”

Luke frowns, he swears Calum was close to crying before, and now Calum is smirking and confident, and then Luke remembers the disorders Calum has.

Luke purses his lips, turning away from Calum, because Calum is unstable.

“So, Blondie, what are you doing here?” Calum says, watching Luke with his round, innocent eyes.

Luke mutters something around the lines of “my mum,” and is aware that all the other boys have started to watch the interaction.

When Luke doesn’t explain, Calum walks off and Luke exhales in relief, as hot as the boy was, Luke was inevitably scared shitless of what Calum could do.

“Shit, I was pissing my pants just watching Calum,” Ashton walks up to Luke with wide eyes, “Fuck that was scary.”

Luke glances at Calum, who’s lying in his bed, “He is scary.”

The silence dawdles.

“Yeah, I mean one minute Calum is an anxiety ridden boy, the next he’s playboy reincarnate.” Ashton tries to fill in the silence.

Turning his head, Luke finds himself watching Harry and Louis share cuddles and kisses, and Luke can’t help but smile.

“Shit.” Luke had forgotten about the poster he was putting up as he watched Louis and Harry, and had consequently dropped it.

“Hey! Don’t swear!” Ashton tuts jokingly.

“Fuck off you motherfucking fucktard.” Luke replies.

Ashton pouts and Luke fights off the urge to poke Ashton’s dimples.

“So, how did you develop a crush on Michael?” Luke asks curiously, his posters forgotten.

“I don’t know, I just came and then it just felt as if Michael, somehow, stood out from the rest, and then for like two weeks I was just like, eh, and then suddenly I realised I had a crush on him.” Ashton replies, scratching his head.

“Oh, okay.” Luke is sort of scared because that’s how he feels about Calum, but Luke isn’t gay (okay maybe just a little bit). 

“Luke?” 

“Yeah?”

“Your posters aren't parallel to each other.”

“Fuck your OCD.” Luke can’t be bothered to re align his posters, just to please ashton, but then ashton starts clambering on the bed trying to reach the posters in his sight, and tugs at them, “Ok, ok, stop! I’ll re align them just for you, Ash.”

Luke freezes; is it too early to be using nicknames?

“Thank you Lukey!” Ashton swiftly hugs Luke and flounces off. 

First Blondie, now Lukey, Luke wonders what other nicknames he’s going to get.

—

A few hours later, Luke is lounging on his bed, casually flicking through tumblr using the wifi password Niall provided for him. Luke has got his headphones in and currently is blasting Carnival by Ghost Town.

“Luke!” he hears Niall call, “Remember to not get caught!” 

In reply, Luke lazily waves his hand, shooing Niall away from the gay porn that has just popped up on his dash. 

To be honest, this crazy ward is better than what Luke would call home, since he isn’t constantly judged by what he wears, what he does, and the pressure on him to be perfect. Also, for the first time in his life, Luke has real (he thinks) friends. At that moment, he feels two bodies jumping onto the bed with him, and Luke smiles when he sees the two heads of Louis and Harry. 

“iIf you start kissing in my bed,” Luke starts, “I will castrate you, ya hear?” 

Louis smiles at Harry and Luke knows that they will pay no heed to the (admittedly weak) threat.

Ashton flops down with them, “your bed is so soft and warm, Luke.”

“It’s my mum.” Luke mutters, focusing his attention on tumblr again.

Ashton clicks his tongue, “I’d like to be rich.”

Luke frowns, “I’m not rich, my mum is rich, and trust me, it’s not as glamorous as it’s portrayed.”

“So, Luke, how old are you?” Ashton promptly changes the subject.

“I’m 18.” 

“Oh, I’m 19.” Ashton tilts his head curiously, “Are you going to university?”

“Hopefully, but I think they might not let me because of my schizophrenia.” Luke sighs, he’d worked so hard for his AS levels, and with pleasurable results, he’d immediately applied for Oxford, UCL and LSE but that was before he was diagnosed.

Ashton sighs, “I had a conditional offer from Cambridge but then I was diagnosed.” 

“Dude, that sucks balls.” Niall joins them at Luke’s bed.

“Shut up!” suddenly Calum is screaming, and all the boys turn to Calum worriedly, watching as Michael tries to calm a shaking Calum down, “No, you-you’re lying, I know, stop it! No! No, no, no! Don’t please, please, don’t h-hurt me, I'm sorry! I-I’m sorry I’m a f-failure.”

Calum is now on the floor, clutching his ears, screaming, crying, and all Luke can see is a flurry of red and black, before the screaming trigger the voices in Luke’s head.

He hears the voices swarming over him, and all Luke can do is shut his eyes and tell himself that this isn’t real, that Luke shouldn’t listen to it.

Luke lays there in a ball, defenceless as he let’s the voices take over his entire thinking, and Luke has given up, the voices are just too strong.

“Luke!” he hears a loud chiming voice, amidst all the whispers, “Luke listen to me!” 

Luke breathes in shakily, managing to nod his head.

“Okay, now Luke, breath out,” Luke breaths out, “and in,” Luke breaths in, “and out.”

Luke struggles to focus, but he manages to keep breathing in, and out, and there’s a flurry of tears, and strangled sounds coming out from Luke, as Luke tries not to think about the voices, maybe Luke can muffle them, so that they jumble together.

Slowly, Luke recovers his breathing and finally manages to open his eyes, to find the worried faces of his friends peering curiously at him.

“S-sorry,” Luke stutters out as he realises that he might just be as bad as Michael, or, hell, Calum.

“Luke, are you alright?” Ashton asks, frowning.

“Yeah, I-I’m fine,” Luke answers.

Luke looks around disorientated, and sees Calum whimpering on the floor, with Michael softly stroking Calum’s hair.

“I-is Calum okay?” Luke asks.

“He should be.” Harry answers curtly.

Rubbing his head, Luke picks up his phone and his headphones, popping them in and smiling when Paint You Wings by All Time Low comes on.

Luke is faintly aware of the other boys giving him strange looks, no doubt wondering how fucking crazy and weird Luke is, and Luke hates himself sometimes, but Luke has to try and stay strong.

He really hopes that no doctor saw his mini, uh, fit, and Luke tries to hold in any emotion he is feeling right now. It really doesn’t matter whether Luke gets released or not, but he’s really scared as to what the other boys may think of him.

“Hey, Luke?” Ashton approaches cautiously, “Are you okay?”

Luke looks up, surprised. “Yeah, I’m fine.” (he’s fighting back tears.)

“Luke, seriously, what’s wrong?” Ashton presses, and Luke shifts uncomfortably.

“Nothing.” 

Ashton sighs and shakes his head; he’s probably going to realise Luke isn’t worth it.

Blinking furiously, Luke turns away from Ashton, only to feel a strong arm wrap around Luke.

“Luke, I know this is early, but I really do like you, as a friend.” Ashton mumbles, pressing his face into Luke’s shoulder.

Luke perks up, really?

“Really?” 

Ashton laughs. “Yes, of course, Lukey.”

Luke likes the sound of that, Luke’s friend, friend Luke has a friend, friendly friend Luke befriends friendly friend ashton—

“Luke?” Ashton peers at Luke, who happens to be zoning out.

“Sorry.” Luke blushes.

“’S fine Lukey.” Ashton snuggles against Luke.

They fall asleep somewhere in the course of the next five minutes.

—

“Fuck, no, Calum!” Luke groans as he slowly becomes aware of his surroundings.

“Ashton, get your fat arse off my bed.” Luke lazily nudges at Ashton’s sleeping figure.

Ashton mumbles something intelligible and bats Luke’s arm away. “I’m not fat.”

Giving up, Luke grumbles and gets out of his bed, searching for where the commotion is. Luke finds it; Calum is being dragged away from the ward.

“Don’t mind him,” Ashton yawns, “This happens on a daily basis, Dr. P comes for medicine and Calum doesn’t want to take it. He says his friends tell him not to take the medicine.”

Luke sighs. “The schizo?”

“Yeah.”

“Figured as much.” and Luke somehow wants to help Calum, but he doesn't know how, “Hey, how long were we asleep?” 

“Like,” Ashton checks his watch, “Two hours. It’s four fifteen now.”

“I should better unpack now, shouldn’t I?” Luke reaches down for his suitcase.

“Do you want me to help you?” Ashton rolls off the bed and lands with a thud.

Luke hears a muffled ‘ow’ and chuckles. “Need help there, Ash?” 

“No. I’m fine.” Ashton says back.

The canvas bag sits at the foot of the bed, and Luke reaches down to hoist it on to the bed. Whilst Ashton is trying to untangle himself from the duvet, Luke begins to take out his clothes, mainly black skinny jeans with only variations in the rips, lots of (cut up) vest shirts, and of course, Luke’s flannels. His mum had constantly nagged about how Luke didn’t look like Liz Hemmings’ celebrated son, but rather a despicable ‘chav’ that lived in a council house. Luke had sighed when his mother had told him this, because Liz sure didn’t understand the fact that she had class privilege, and that it was probably the only thing that set her apart from the so called ‘chavs’. Liz had tried to be Luke what she deemed ‘acceptable’ for the son of the proclaimed Liz Hemmings, dress shirts and khakis for everyday wear, and tuxes for smart wear. In return, Luke had sighed and put them in his closet.

“Your clothes are so cool, man.” Ashton picks up one of Luke’s t-shirts, a Rolling Stones one.

Luke blushes. “Thanks.” 

“So, Luke, tell me about yourself.” Ashton is helping Luke fold up his t-shirts, and arranging them in to match the colours.

“I’m Luke Hemmings, son of Liz Hemmings. I’m seventeen and was diagnosed with schizophrenia two weeks ago. I went to Chalest Private School and I have just done my AS levels, achieving three A*s and one A.” Luke says, unsure of what Ashton meant. 

Ashton laughs. “Tell me about what you like.”

Luke raises his eyebrows. “You’re going to be like Augustus now, you want to know my real story.”

“no…” Ashton scratches his head, “Actually maybe.”

“Right, okay, I like music.” Luke nods awkwardly, “Like, uh, All Time Low, Bring Me The Horizon, Sleeping With Sirens, Green Day, Pierce The Veil and blink 182. My favourite subject at school is, uh, English.” 

“Cool.” Ashton smiles toothily.

“What about you?” Luke asks.

“I’m Ashton Irwin, son of Anne Marie Irwin. I’m nineteen and was diagnosed with schizophrenia last year, and with OCD three years ago. I went to Maycrate Secondary School and I did my A2 levels with three As. I had a conditional offer with Cambridge for two As and one B. It got withdrawn. I also like music, similar to your music taste and my favourite subject is Art.” Ashton replies.

They sort the rest of Luke’s clothes in silence, and this is probably the neatest Luke’s ever been. 

“I’m Harry and I’m rad.” Harry pops out and bounces on the freshly made bed, courtesy of Ashton.

“I’m Louis and I’m radder.” Luke’s not surprised, wherever Harry is, Louis is not far behind.

“I’m Niall and I’m swag.” the bleached blonde jumps in as well. 

“I’m so bored.” Luke pouts and flops down on the bed. 

“Yeah, this is like the downside of being locked up.” Ashton shrugs and lies down beside Luke.

“So what do you actually do in here?” Luke asks, curious as to how they spend their time.

“Well we get educated, do homework, play cards, talk to people, take meds, sneak our phones, watch some movies.” Niall lists, as he counts it off his finger, “Wait, that reminds me, Luke, you’re doing your A2s right? You’re going to be with Harry who’s doing it as well. So that means that you’ll be having your lessons from four to seven every weekday.”

“Right.” Luke nods, processing the information.

Niall grins and carries on, “They give you a shit load of homework to keep you occupied, but if you’re too unstable, like crazy and crazier, there’s no school work. Lucky bitches. Oh, yeah, there’s a separate, like, entertainment room with like arcade games, pool and shit, and also a theatre. It’s separate because it could trigger Calum and Michael. The food is okay, but if your parents have paid for better food, like Calum, you guys get nicer food than the rest of us. That’s horrible, because I love food, and we get some crusty lasagne, whilst Calum, who invites Michael, goes and eats gourmet.”

Niall pouts and Luke laughs.

“I’ll invite you to eat with me, don’t worry.” Luke says back, reassuring Niall that he can have his dream food.

“And me!” Ashton chimes, followed by a chorus of agreements from Louis and Harry.

Niall grins. “Glad we got that sorted, okay, now if we behave well for the week, we’re allowed to go shopping for two hours on Sunday. Calum and Michael don’t go though, they’re deemed a menace to society.”

Luke clicks his tongue sympathetically. “I feel so sorry for them.”

“Hey has your mother provided you with money?” Louis butts in, and Luke reaches inside his canvas bag.

“Yeah, I think she gave me two credit cards, one without limit for emergencies, and another one that gets £5,000 each week.” Luke says, fumbling with his wallet.

Harry shakes his head in disbelief. “Each week? You lucky dick.” 

This statement makes Luke shift in his seat uncomfortably, he doesn’t like to be reminded of his mother’s wealth and status. “I usually only use about £100 per month so it’s pretty useless.” Luke wants nothing more to divert this topic away. Luckily, Ashton picks up on this, and starts a conversation about going to the entertainment room.

“Guys, shall we ask Dr. P whether we can go to the entertainment room?” Ashton asks.

“Yeah we just need to wait for Dr. P to come back with Calum.” Niall nods at the door.

They all stare at the door for about five minutes, when Dr. Patrick comes back with a sobbing Calum. Dr. Patrick easily lifts Calum up - he’s not surprised, Calum is as thin as a skeleton - and pats him on the back soothingly. 

Luke gives the other boys questioning looks and Louis just shushes Luke, pointing at Calum. 

Whilst that is going on, Luke notices Michael sitting on his chair calmly, looking at the boys. It’s quite unnerving, actually, and Luke feels uncomfortable, suddenly, though, Michael gets up from the chair and moves to Calum’s bed, where he pushes Dr. Patrick off of Calum, and softly grabs a towel and pats Calum’s forehead. Calum seems to calm down immediately, reaching for Michael, and Michael chuckles softly and pats Calum on the head. The scene makes Luke’s heart warm, and seeing Michael, like, not scary is sort of strange. 

“Dr. P!” Harry whispers, as Dr. P sighs, “Can we go to the entertainment room?” 

Dr. P flicks his hand and nods hastily, before quickly going back to tending Calum. The boys quickly walk out of the ward to a separate room.

They introduce this to Luke, and Luke looks in wonder, this place is big.

“This is the cinema!” Louis gestures with a big flourish and Luke enters what looks like his own cinema at home.

“Cool.” Luke mutters as they sit down on a seat, and Luke tries to ask a question he’s been bursting to ask, “Guys, this might be rude, but can I like, know your medical, like, uh, disorder, no, just because I’m curious, because you’re all pretty normal to me.”

“Dude it’s fine.” Niall replies, “I have schizophrenia and am bipolar. All the people in this ward will have similar disorders. My bipolar disorder is being suppressed by my meds, and my schizophrenia attacks are quite rare.”

“I have bipolar disorder too!” Louis chimes in.

“I have OCD!” Harry adds, straightening his jeans. Every thing about Harry seemed obsessively neat, now that Luke thought about it.

“You know what I have.” Ashton nods and turns away. 

“Geez, Ashy, what’s up your arse?” Harry frowns.

“Haz, it’s because Ash is jealous that Michael is giving so much attention to Calum, duh.” Louis pats Harry on the back. 

“But he always gives this much attention to Calum.” Harry argues back.

Louis sighs. “Every time something intimate happens between Calum and Michael, you know how stroppy Ash is.”

“Oh yeah.” Harry smiles, “You’re so clever Lou.”

They start making out and Luke quickly jumps into the seat next to Ashton, wincing at the sounds coming from the couple.

“What are we watching?” Luke chirps loudly, hoping to cover up the sounds (moans). 

“The Grand Budapest Hotel.” Ashton replies, flicking through the stream of movies.

Luke refrains from commenting that he went to the premiere of this movie because his mother was invited, so instead Luke nods and says, “Cool, I’ve never watched it.” (Lie.)

“God sake! Larry, get a room!” Niall shouts and Louis and Harry immediately break apart, a bit red in the face.

“Oops?” Louis shrugs, before Harry drags him into the arcade room.

Ashton grins. “Glad we got those two out of the room.”

The opening credits start playing and the movie is just as beautiful as Luke remembers.

“This movie is so fucking symmetrical.” Niall sighs, taking a seat next to Luke, and Luke can’t help but agree, the cinematography is amazing, and Luke had gotten to meet the director. 

“Wow, I’d love to meet the director and tell him how the beauty made me cry.” Ashton shakes his head and Luke shifts uncomfortably in his seat. “Luke have you met the director?”

Luke hears a twinge of jealousy coming through Ashton’s voice, and decides to mutter, “No.” (Lie.)

They watch the rest of the movie in silence.

About half way through, Harry sulks back in, and sits grumpily behind Niall. Ashton quickly pauses the movie.

Harry blinks, “Louis told me to piss off. I don’t know, like I get he’s bipolar but one minute we were kissing and then suddenly he pushes me off of him and looks at me in disgust, and tells me to piss off.”

The tears are starting to form in Harry’s eyes, and Luke looks at Harry in sympathy. In the back of Luke’s mind, something tells him that if he were to date Calum, this is what it would be like, and Luke quickly rids this thought, of course he hasn't thought about dating Calum, Luke definitely doesn’t have a crush on Calum, and Luke definitely isn’t gay (okay maybe a little bit).

Ashton sighs, “Don’t blame Lou, you know how he is with his dad. Also, he’s bipolar. I’m sure he’ll come around and say sorry.”

Harry sniffles and Luke longs to comfort Harry, but Luke is just terrible at these sort of things.

When Harry stops sniffling, Ashton puts on The Grand Budapest Hotel, and Harry says, “This movie is a sight for my OCD eyes. Everything is symmetrical, wow.” 

The others nod in agreement. 

—

Calum doesn’t trust Dr. Patrick. Not one bit. After all, it’s hard to trust a man that shoves hard pills down your throat every day. It hurts Calum, and Dr. Patrick isn’t gentle at all.

Calum just wants to go home with Michael, back to before all this happened and before Calum’s friends started visiting him. 

And before he lost his family and everything he loved.

—

It doesn’t take long for the boys to pig out on some popcorn a nurse had provided them and lounge in the home cinema watching reruns of Spongebob. Luke frowns in concentration as he aims for Ashton’s mouth. 

“Yes, bitch!” Louis fist pumps the air as Luke manages to get the first, out of many attempts, in Ashton’s mouth. Louis had come trailing back in, looking as miserable as Harry, and apologised profusely, so of course, Harry being Harry, forgave him straight away, and they had a little make out session.

“Boys! Time for your daily interaction!” Dr. Patrick hollers from outside the entertainment room.

Luke frowns. “What’s that?” 

Scratching his head, Harry answers, “Basically Dr. P believes that interacting with Calum and Michael is going to help them and us. So we have a one hour session where we talk or interact with Crazy and Crazier before dinner.” 

“It’s also known as the opportunity for Ashton to stare at Michael.” Niall grins as Ashton glares at him.

They all head out of the cinema, and when they enter the ward, Calum and Michael are sitting at a table, glaring at them.

“Good, boys, I trust you to show Luke what daily interaction is all about.” Dr. Patrick nods at the boys before heading out the room.

A long silence follows.

“Right, okay, so, hello, Calum and Michael.” Harry shifts uncomfortably in his seat, as he stutters over his words. In return, Calum shrinks back onto the chair shaking, whilst Michael pats Calum on the back, glaring at the boys.

“So, this is Luke, he’s the new warder.” Niall pipes up, as Michael continues to glare at Harry, and (unfortunately) the attention is diverted to Luke, he feels the eyes of Michael and Calum, one glaring, and the other one felt curious.

Luke smiles widely, hoping to cover up his pounding heart as he sees Michael glaring at him. “H-hi. My name is Luke and you are?”

Michael glares at Luke before muttering, “Michael.”

“And you?” Luke smiles as he turns to Calum, at this moment Luke is really rethinking his life choices.

Calum lets out a whimper, and shrinks even more, if that’s possible, into his chair, looking small and vulnerable. 

“He’s Calum.” Michael replies, his eyes never leaving Luke.

“Okay.” Luke turns his feet inward. He’s never trying interacting ever again.

As they sit in silence, Luke sees Michael’s eyes flit quickly to Ashton, and then back, Michael’s anger deflating slightly.

In return, Ashton blushes deeply at the quick eye contact, and Luke nudges Ashton, winking.

“W-what’s the topic f-for today?” a small voice cuts the silence, and everyone stares at Calum curiously; Calum is in his anxious state of mind, and it’s a wonder that Calum opened his mouth, much less started a conversation. Apparently, this was rare, even for Michael, who sat there gaping, before pulling Calum into a hug. 

“W-well, I think it’s clothes.” Ashton seems to be the first to recover from the shock.

Calum gives a small nod, and lets out a broken exhale. “Th-thank you.” 

“So, what’s you favourite clothes shop?” Louis nods, laughing breathily.

“Shall we all go in turn?” Harry says, and everyone nods, “Well mine is Jack Wills.” 

Harry nudges his boyfriend. “What? Oh, oh sorry, mine is, uh, Topman.”

“Mine’s American Apparel.” Ashton immediately blushes and glances at Michael, before pulling his sleeves over his hands, and all Luke can think is how Ashton’s crush on Michael is so obvious.

“There’s American Apparel in England?” Luke interrupts, and Ashton nods furiously.

“It’s your turn.” Louis prompts Luke.

“Oh, sorry, mine is, is, uh, Urban Outfitters?” Luke trails off, as if this was a question.

There is a silence as everyone turns to Michael, but is too scared to tell him, and Calum seems to realise this, and quickly taps Michael on the shoulder and whispers something in his ear. 

Michael blushes (wow), “Mine is, well, was, All Saints.”

Then it’s Calum’s turn, and Calum, strangely seems to be about to cry. “I-I can’t r-remember any clothes shops.” Calum hiccups, and carries on slightly louder, “It’s b-been about three y-years since I’ve gone s-shopping.”

There is a silence after that, and Luke feels very sorry for Calum. 

“Can we stop feeling sorry for Calum?” Michael glares at everyone, “He hates it; wouldn’t you if all people felt for you is pity?”

With that, Niall, Louis, Harry, Ashton and Luke drops their gaze on Calum.

“I-it’s okay, Mikey, it’s not like they’re different from all the other people. Don’t bother.” Calum whispers, smiling sadly, “They wouldn’t understand even if we told them.”

They watch as Calum pats Michael on the shoulders as Michael nods in agreement.

“Excuse me Michael? On the contrary, I feel we are more than capable of coping with whatever you tell us, after all, we are all part of the schizophrenic ward after all!” Ashton stands up so suddenly and is now pointing a finger at Michael, “And you, Hood, I don’t care whether you are crazy, because we all are, and I am deeply offended by you telling me that we’re not… we’re not understanding enough? So you think you’re the only one with problems? Well let me tell you now, both my parents were fucking murdered when I was twelve, and I had to raise my two siblings, without any help, and sometimes we had to go to a week without food, because we couldn’t risk the government finding out! And if it’s fucking better I had to balance four jobs, my A levels and GCSEs, and I even fucking worked hard enough to get an offer from Cambridge! Right, and then this stupid fucking schizophrenia comes along, and as well as not going to Cambridge, to have education to keep my brother and sister off the street, my siblings were taken by the government, and now they're in a foster home in god knows where! They could be severely injured and in hospital for all I know! So don’t tell me, Calum, that you have it worse than any of us, because I assure you, you’re not the only messed up one.” 

Ashton breathes deeply, tears welling in his eyes. “I loved them, so much. They were my life, and now they’re gone, along with my parents. And all of it was my fault. If I wasn’t schizophrenic, if I hadn’t collapsed on the way to picking up my siblings from school, they wouldn't be taken away from me.”

When Ashton finishes, Luke gives him some tissue to wipe his eyes, and Calum and Michael seem to be in shock, Calum curling into a ball again.

“Dr. Patrick, I think we’re done.” Louis calls out to Dr. Patrick, and Dr. Patrick rushes in to help Calum and Michael.

Luke gently pats Ashton on the back, and guides him to Luke’s bed. 

“Ashton,” Luke starts, “I’m really sorry—”

Ashton interrupts, “It wasn’t your—”

“I was going to apologise for not understanding you when you said you’d like a rich parent.” Luke cuts in, and it was then during Ashton’s speech that Ashton didn’t want the money for materialistic luxuries, we wanted, no, needed, the money to keep his family off the streets.

Ashton is momentarily speechless. “I-well, thank you, Luke, for understanding.”

Luke smiles, “You’re welcome.” 

“Boys! Dinner!” Dr. Patrick shouts. 

They stand up, and Luke smiles. “You’re having lunch with me.”

“No, I couldn’t possibly, I’m fine with cafeteria food, seriously.” Ashton insists, but Luke sees that Ashton wants to go.

“I insist.” Luke replies, dragging Ashton towards Dr. Patrick.

“Hello, boys, so one of my doctors will be taking you to whatever restaurant you want, there’s a good selection of michelin starred ones, since we are in Central London, and order whatever you want, but be back by nine o’clock.” Dr. Patrick instructs Luke, smiling kindly.

Luke grabs on to Ashton’s wrist. “I’ll be taking Ashton today, if that’s okay with you.” 

“Of course it is.” Dr. P calls out, for another doctor, as Luke apologises to Niall, Louis and Harry, and promising to take them out in turn.

As they stand there, Calum and Michael approach for their dinner, and for once, Calum is out of his hospital clothes, and in black skinny jeans and a jacket. He stands tall and confident. Michael looks the same; black skinny jeans, a leather jacket and some biker boots.

“You boys ready to go?” Dr. Patrick says to Calum and Michael, and in response Calum nods, but Michael just glares.

A car speeds to a stop outside the hospital, and Calum and Michael quickly clamber into it, instructing the driver to drive to a restaurant, a renowned and expensive one, no doubt.

The second car comes over, a luxurious black Porsche, and Luke hesitantly steps into the back, Ashton following.

Luke names the first restaurant that comes to his mind, one that his mother had brought him for dinner parties to. 

As they drive off, Luke hears sniffling coming from Ashton, and quickly puts his arm around him. “Are you okay?” 

“Y-yeah I’m f-fine.” Ashton wipes his eyes, “It’s just, they tell me that no one’s going to like me enough to help me, and that everyone will abandon me as soon as they know what happened to me. A-and then you come and help me, and take me to this expensive restaurant. It just, it’s nice to have someone care about you enough to help.”

Luke’s heart breaks at the curly haired boy.

“Ash, I’d be willing to help you, any time.” Luke replies, hoping to assure Ashton that he’s always going to be there; after all, Ashton was the one that helped him.

“Mr. Hemmings, Mr. Irwin, we’re here.” The driver announces, with a tinge of a Northern accent.

Before Luke gets out, he turns to the driver. “Will you be driving me everyday?” 

The driver looks surprised at the question. “Why yes, Mr. Hemmings. May I be so brash and ask why?” 

Luke grins. “I thought I’d better get acquainted with you, after all, you will be driving me everyday. What’s your name?”

“James, sir.” The driver looks genuinely shocked, as if none of his previous clients were bothered enough to learn his name.

“Well, thank you, James, and call me Luke.” Luke replies, and Luke likes to be kind to his employers, because if Luke was in James’ place, he’d like it as well.

“Come on, Ashton.” Luke literally has to drag Ashton towards the entrance, because Ashton is staring up at the extravagant building with awe. They are faintly aware of the doctor following them.

When they arrive at the entrance, the waiter looks displeased at their attire - black skinnies and cut up band shirts. 

“Hello? Do you need any help?” the waiter says with disgust, “Are you beggars of such?” 

“No. We’re going to eat.” Luke says.

“Right.” the waiter smiles sarcastically, “and why would I let some dirty scumbags into—”

“Luke Hemmings!” a loud voice booms, and all three avert their eyes to looks at the owner of the voice. The waiter’s face pales slightly as the owner comes to give Luke a hug.

“How’s Liz Hemmings?” the owner asks, after he releases Luke from the hug.

“My mother,” he emphasises, looking at the waiter, “is fine. However, I would like to dine here with my friend, but this man, is not letting us. Are you to say, that this low paid waiter, is preventing the renowned Liz Hemmings’ son, to not dine at this restaurant.”

Luke knows that he’s simply eating off his mother’s fame and money, but he can’t help but spite the waiter, already with an intense disliking towards the waiter.

The waiter looks like he’s about to be sick. “So sorry, Mr. Hemmings, I wasn’t aware of your status, will you and your… friend like to follow me, I’ve got the perfect table for you.” 

Luke starts following to waiter, glaring back at any onlookers as they walk through the restaurant. 

He then turns to Ashton. “How is this place?” 

Ashton looks at Luke with round eyes. “It’s fucking amazing.”

At this point, many of the diners are giving them scandalised looks, but Luke doesn’t care. 

“Ahem, your table, Mr. Hemmings.” the waiter sets down two menus, and looks confused at the doctor trailing behind them. 

“Ah, that’s, uh, someone to look after us.” Luke says, in reply to the waiter’s questioning look.

“Right, well, call me when you’re ready to order.” the waiter gives a tight smile and marches off, whilst Luke and Ashton peruse the menu.

“Holy shit Luke! These prices are extraordinary!” Ashton whispers, in fear of annoying the other diners.

“Ashton, my treat, order what you want, and I promise, it won’t affect me in any way.” Luke replies, hoping Ashton will enjoy the food.

“Ok, fine, I’ll take the, uh, salad?” Ashton raises his brow uncertainly. Luke shakes his head - he knows that’s the cheapest thing on the menu.

“Do you know what? I’ll just order for the both of us.” Luke grabs Ashton’s menu, and calls the waiter over to order the starter.

He quickly names two dishes he likes, for starters, and decides to order the main course as well, to save the waiter coming over.

“Very well, Mr. Hemmings, a good choice, and I will bring the food as soon as possible.” the waiter quickly leaves. 

“Luke! Did you just spend over £100 on each of us for the starter?” Ashton looks shocked.

The silence that follows that makes Ashton sigh. “Luke, I appreciate everything, but I really don’t want your sympathy or pity.”

Luke tries to explain himself. “I’ve never had proper friends before, and I just wanted to be nice to my first real friend.” He looks down, avoiding Ashton’s stare, and Luke is panicking because he’s just destroyed yet another friendship, way to go, Luke.

Suddenly, an arm snakes around Luke’s waist, and Ashton sniffs Luke on the shoulder. “Sorry, Lukey, but you smell really nice.”

This makes Luke laugh, and the time passes as they talk about everything to nothing, until the starters come.

“This is like, one piece of chicken, and we payed £100 for it? It’d better be good, or I’m going to sue these little shits.” Ashton says as he picks up his knife and fork.

Luke smirks as he watches Ashton put the food in his mouth, and immediately Ashton expresses delight on his face. Ashton quickly swallows and looks at Luke with wide eyes. “This is fucking amazing.”

“Yeah, I know.” it pleases Luke in some odd way that Ashton approves of the food.

—

“Thank you, Luke, like, so much, I can’t even say how grateful I am, seriously.” Ashton rambles on as they head out of the restaurant.

“It’s fine.” Luke replies, clambering back into the Porsche, half listening to Ashton rambling, half thinking about his first day in the schizo ward.

The car starts, and Luke quickly buckles his seatbelt - after all, he needs to be safe, and not die, contrary to what the voices tell him.

“So, what was your favourite part of the meal?” Luke smiles, trying to make conversation with the other boy.

“The dessert was incredible.” Ashton replies shortly, and Luke guesses that Ashton is still hungover the fact that Luke didn't let Ashton sort out the cutlery that were not even.

“How was your day Luke?” Ashton asks softly.

“It was good. I made a friend.” Luke answers, unsure whether he should mention Calum.

Ashton winks. “And you saw some serious boy hunk!”

Luke blushes. “I guess.”

“Let me guess? Calum.”

“No.” (Lie.)

Ashton looks at him disbelievingly. “Right.”

“It’s true! I don’t have a crush on Calum! He’s schizophrenic and crazy!” Luke insists.

“Luke, you’re schizophrenic and crazy as well.” Ashton raises his eyebrows.

“Oh, yeah.” 

The darkness is slowly falling, and the sunset is beautiful. Luke gazes out of the window, thinking about the fact that this is probably the happiest Luke has ever been. He’s surrounded by people that understand him, and this is worth, as cheesy as it sounds, more than what money could ever buy him.

Before Luke knows it, they’ve arrived at the front of the hospital, and James quickly opens the door for Luke and Ashton. They enter the hospital, but not before Luke says a quick goodbye to James.

The doctor that trailed them to the restaurant quickly fills in a chart, probably on their mental state in the outside world.

Stepping into the lift, Luke and Ashton quickly run down the corridor, somehow turning into a race, although Luke isn’t doing very well - he sometimes loses control of his legs because they’re just too damn long.

“I won!” Ashton shouts, as he reaches the ward, and in reply, Luke pouts, trailing behind Ashton as they enter the ward.

Luke answers, “I let you win.”

Ashton snorts but they are immediately shushed by Dr. Patrick - it seems as if Michael and Calum are in some kind of trouble, wailing, crying and rocking.

“Psst!” Niall beckons them into the entertainment room, so Ashton and Luke quickly exit the main ward. 

“What happened?” Ashton asks, frowning.

“Basically, Harry had a schizophrenic attack, and right now, he’s been moved to a private ward for the time being. Louis is pretty sulky right now. Well, basically, Michael started screaming for Ashton,” Niall winks at Ashton, who looks away, “and Calum tried to calm him down, but Michael’s attack triggered Calum, so now they’re both on the floor crying.”

Luke glances at Ashton, “Does this happen often?” 

“Yeah, they usually have major attacks two or three times, but you never know when their ‘friends’ are visiting them.” Ashton replies, still a bit red in the face. 

“So, it seems your crush isn’t too unreachable after all huh?” Luke winks at Ashton.

“Yeah, it actually almost seems as if both have changed since Luke got here.” Niall scratches his head, looking slightly too thoughtful, “Calum has changed a lot though…” 

Both heads turn to Luke’s direction, spastically winking, and Luke can’t help but shuffle awkwardly and look at his black Vans.

“So, Luke,” Niall says, wiggling his eyebrows looking uncannily like Miranda Sings, “Is there going to be some romance behind the scenes?”

Ashton joins in, “Eh? Luke?” 

Luke looks at Ashton scornfully. “Says the boy that likes Michael.” 

Immediately, Ashton quietens down, but Niall keeps going. “So, Lukey Wukey fancies big, bad Calum Hood?” 

“No.” Luke twitches his eye. He’s not gay! (Ok maybe a little bit).

“I don’t know about you, Ashton,” Niall continues, “But I think there may be some schizo love involving L and C.” 

“Fuck you.” Luke narrows his eyes and storms off in a random direction, only to be met by the wall of the arcade.

Ashton and Niall are sniggering behind Luke, so Luke quickly runs back into the ward.

The first thing that Luke sees is Michael shaking his head, looking reproachful, and Calum laughing at Michael.

Well, Luke’s glad they’ve gotten over their attack.

“Hey! Blondie!” Luke hears a deep voice and spins around quickly, eyes wide, looking at Calum.

Luke hesitantly points at himself, before looking around, to see if any other blondes had suddenly appeared. 

“Yes, you! The tall quiffed one with the long legs!” Calum sounds impatient.

Luke starts, and walks towards Michael and Calum carefully.

“H-hello?” Luke says nervously, “Did you want anything? I could get like, Dr. Patrick for you. Wait, not that I think that you need him, I’m just saying, you know. Just please don’t kill me.”

Calum chuckles, and that’s when Luke notices Michael looking relatively meek compared to Calum - a rare sight even Luke has established by now.

“Did you know that Michael had a panic attack because he wanted to see that curly haired boy.” Calum smirks, a stark contrast to his other personality, “Michael’s pretty embarrassed, and I know I should be comforting him, but this is just too funny.” 

Michael whines and slaps Calum on the shoulder. “Shut up! It was so embarrassing! I’m going to fucking die, oh my god.” 

In return, Calum slaps Michael back. “Dude, you’ve had a crush on Ashton Irwin since…what? Seven months? This is just gold, kitten.”

“Hey!” Michael banters back, “Who are you calling kitten?” 

Luke watches entranced at the close relationship Michael and Calum have, it truly is heartwarming.

“Oh, wait. Blondie, what’s your name?” Calum turns to Luke, with big eyes, looking cute, but at the same time, hot as fuck.

Wait, what? Luke isn’t gay! (Ok maybe a little bit).

“My name’s Luke.” Luke answers, still wary of what he was thinking. 

Calum smiles. “Ok, Luke, I’m Calum.”

Michael whines from under the duvet. “And that’s Michael.” 

“You’ve got to excuse him, he’s a bit wary of you.” Calum explains, patting Michael on the head. 

“Cool.” Luke nods awkwardly.

Calum leans closer. “So, Luke, tell me the latest goss from Mashton.”

“Ashton also likes Michael I guess.” Luke replies, feeling very happy for both Michael and Ashton.

Calum literally squeals and slaps Michael, who pops his head out, looking like an innocent child.

“Really?” Michael looks very happy, “But I insulted him, saying he wouldn’t understand our story.”

Calum suddenly becomes serious. “Yeah, about that, can you say sorry to Ashton - I feel so bad because his hardships certainly are very… hard.” 

“I think hardships are meant to be hard Calum.” Michael smirks, “Are you getting a little bit flustered?”

“What? No.” Calum quickly shakes his head.

Luke gives a questioning look. “Why would Calum be flustered?” 

This makes Michael burst into laughter and Calum to turn bright red. Luke’s about to answer before Niall and Ashton storm in, shouting Luke’s name, before stopping mid-shout as they take in the scene before them.

Luke, Calum and Michael are all sitting around the bed, in a no doubt friendly manner, when a few hours ago, Michael wanted to strangle Luke.

Niall swallows, and charges in hollering, quickly pulling Luke off the bed, before dragging him into the amusement room. Ashton quickly follows suit.

Luke rubs his arm. “Dude, what the hell was that for?” 

Niall grimaces. “Aren’t you going to thank me for saving you from crazy and crazier?” 

“No,” Luke replies, “Because they’re actually very nice people, when they’re in their normal state.”

Ashton looks up. “Wait, even Michael?” 

Both Luke and Niall turn to Ashton smirking.

“Yeah, he was actually pretty meek.” Luke smiles widely, “And guess what? Calum was teasing Michael about liking Ashton, and Michael was hiding under the bedcovers whining.”

Ashton goes quiet. “He likes me?” 

It’s a relationship blooming, and Niall seems to agree with this, because he then says, “You’re going to get the guy, wow, everything is happening the moment Luke walks into the building.”

They slap Luke on the back, before Louis comes in sulking (again).

“Fuck you guys and your wow Luke is amazing,” Louis glares at Luke, “Nothing is fine with Luke Hemmings, the rich kid with problems, well boohoo, grow the fuck up.”

Staring at Louis wide eyed, Luke tries to find a way to apologise. “S-sorry?”

In reply, Louis grumbles and walks off, flipping the middle finger on the way out.

“Don’t mind him, I told you about his BD didn’t I?” Ashton comforts Luke.

They muck about in the entertainment room for a little while, before Dr. Patrick calls out a ‘Bedtime!’, and Niall and Ashton quickly scramble out of the room, Luke following cautiously behind them. 

“I call dibs on showering first!” Ashton yells, scrambling around on his bed whilst Niall does the same.

Niall seems to have found his pyjamas and sprints off into the direction of the bathroom. “Bitch, I beat you!” 

Calum and Michael start whimpering, so Dr. Patrick has to shoot Niall and Ashton dirty looks. It’s pretty hard with Calum and Michael, like that. 

Luke quickly gathers up an old shirt and some boxers, ready to go to sleep, because, whew, this was a tiring day.

Luke Hemmings, friendly (not really) failure.

—

The next few days flash across for Luke, he can’t really remember anything because nothing was particularly interesting.

“Hey Luke?” Ashton chews on his pen - Luke’s been here for a week and has started schooling in the hospital.

“Hm?” 

“Tell me a riddle.” Ashton demands, and Luke smiles inwardly - Ashton is compiling a notebook of everything, and it seems Ashton wants a riddle.

“What belongs to you, but everyone else uses it more than yourself?” Luke replies, remembering a riddle he was told in Primary School.

“What?” Ashton asks, and Luke smiles.

“Guess. You have to guess.” Luke insists, and in reply Ashton whines.

“Tell me!” 

“No!” 

And so they fight for another five minutes before Luke gives up, and tells Ashton the answer, “Your name, you dumb arse.”

To which Ashton flares his nostrils and scribbles furiously into his notebook.

There’s a quiet shuffling and giggling behind them, and it turns out to be Calum and Michael, in their confident state. Calum giggles, there’s no other word for it really, and pushes Michael, who blushes furiously as Ashton turns around.

Calum speaks. “Michael wants to confess his undying love for Ashton Irwin, and he really wants to have your babies.”

Ashton gapes, his notebook falling from his hand, as Michael blushes furiously. 

“I didn’t think Ashton would top to be honest.” Luke pipes up, ridding the awkward silence.

Michael and Ashton gape at Luke, looking surprisingly alike, even though Michael is paler than a ghost.

Quickly, Luke pulls out his phone and starts filming this - he’s not going to miss one of his best friends confess his love to Luke’s sort of maybe friend.

Ashton finally opens his mouth. “Well this was very sudden.”

Calum giggles, and Ashton carries on. “Um, wow, Michael, thanks, uh, I guess I like you too?”

Luke groans - trust Ashton to ruin this beautiful moment.

Luke groans even more when the two boys collapse on the bed Luke is sitting on, giggling, blushing and making out.

Ew, Luke hates life.

—

On Thursday, Luke has a Schizophrenic attack, the voices start coming back, and they’re strong, they’re horrible.

Luke clutches his head, digging his nails into his skull, trying to make those voices just stop.

It’s loud and all Luke can think is patheticpatheticpathetic because really that’s what Luke is.

It’s ringing in his ears, and Luke can’t breathe, he can’t fucking breathe. Luke gasps for air, and Luke can feel tears streaming down his face. He’s screaming and thrashing, Luke wants help, Luke wants to run away, to hide in the closet at home, with all the family pictures his mum had shoved in after their dad—

That makes it even worse, it doesn’t get better, and all Luke feels is that his heart just wants to rip out of his chest, but Luke’s keeling over, with streams of tears, voices to just go away, to leave Luke alone. 

When Ashton looks down at him in pity, Luke flinches away. 

The next day, Dr. Patrick puts him on medication.

—

The day after Luke’s prescribed medication, he hides under his bed covers and thinks about how Ashton has probably abandoned him, because in actual fact, no one likes Luke at all. They’ll realise at some point or other, Luke is just some fucked up rich kid with daddy issues that are meek compared to Ashton.

No one likes Luke, they’re all probably laughing at how pathetic he is.

In the midst of all his self wallowing, Luke doesn’t feel a warm body sliding into his bed covers, until Ashton pokes Luke in the stomach. Luke lets out a girly squeal and rolls off the bed. 

“Luke?” Ashton asks carefully, and Luke just wants to shake Ashton, to tell him that Luke doesn't need his pity.

“What?” Luke grumbles, getting up amidst the tangled duvet, “Leave me alone.”

“Luuuuuke,” Ashton whines, making grabby hands at Luke, “What’s wrong?” 

“Nothing, just leave me alone.”

Suddenly, Calum screams and sobs, collapsing on the floor. Luke starts, and although this is a regular occurrence, Luke is still concerned for Calum, because Luke definitely does not have a small crush on Calum. Not at all, nope.

On the other hand, Michael and Ashton are doing well, not that Luke stalked them every time they went into the entertainment room together, psh, only losers stalk their friends. Michael still had a horrid temper, however, Ashton seemed to have curbed it, and Michael only sometimes got angry, not almost all the time. When Luke had asked Ashton how Michael was, Ashton giggled and said that Michael was actually a kitten without his anger, but it was hard to know when Michael suddenly changed personalities.

“Look, Ashton, you don’t need to pity me.” Luke sighs, finally getting his legs untangled from the mass of covers, “I know you don’t actually want to hang out with me.”

Ashton rolls his eyes. “No, Luke, I hang out with you because you’re cool, and I like you.” 

Luke eyes Ashton suspiciously, the bunch of curly floppy hair bouncing around, and the seemingly earnest hazel eyes. Luke still doesn't believe Ashton, because this seems exactly what Ashton would do, help out a petty little rich boy with daddy problems.

Luke scoffs. “Yeah, right. You’re probably just using me for money.”

It wasn’t supposed to come out that way. Luke’s eyes widen as he processes what nonsense he just spewed out.

“Wait! Ash, I didn’t mean that, I promise! Oh my god.” Luke shouts, as he watches Ashton’s eyes unfocus, because Luke knows what’s coming next.

Next, it’s just a flurry of tears, of shouts, and of Michael glaring at Luke. It’s truly horrendous, and Luke can’t help but repeat sorry, sorry, sorry, again and again, because Luke doesn’t know what to do - he’s surrounded in a whirlwind of shouts, of screams, and everything starts to chop and start and crowding Ashton, it’s a schizophrenic attack. 

Luke hates himself.

—

The interaction time is awkward, with all the boys apart from Calum glaring at Luke. Every time Michael moves, Luke flinches because that could possibly be the end of Luke Hemmings. 

Although Luke wonders why Calum isn’t glaring, but then immediately dismissed this thought, as Calum is curled up in his chair, shaking and shivering.

Ashton speaks up. “Today’s topic is trees.”

Michael glares at Luke a bit more.

“We’re going to go around in a circle, stating what our favourite tree is, and why.” Ashton continues.

Michael glares at Luke again.

“I’ll go first then, shall I?” Ashton says cheerfully, “Alright! My favourite tree is…fuck, I don’t know any trees.”

Michael glares at Luke harder.

“Mikey?” Ashton lightly touches Michael on the shoulder, “Would you like to make an input?”

“No.”

“Right.” Ashton’s nostrils flare a bit, “What about you Niall?”

“I don’t like trees.” 

Michael continues to glare at Luke.

“I like trees.” Calum stutters, and he looks like a kicked puppy - sad eyes and all, “I like all kinds of trees, they’re very fascinating.”

Luke notices the slow improvement of Calum’s nerve, his speech is getting louder and more confident.

“Thank you, Calum.” Ashton smiles.

Michael glares at Luke.

“I fucking hate you so much.” Michael clenches his jaw, stiffly.

Ashton looks alarmed, and everything starts happening in slow motion, as Michael lunges forward onto Luke, and Ashton trying to hold him back.

“Michael! Stop!” Calum screams, sniffing, “You’re going to hurt him.”

Michael pauses in mid punch, and climbs off of Luke, walking towards Calum. Michael picks up Calum from the chair, and lightly kisses his forehead.

Ashton glares at Luke, and storms off.

Luke Hemmings, awkward failure.

— 

Luke spends the next few days moping about and crying because really, he sort of just slightly misses his mum, but he knows that his mum won’t visit her crazy son anytime soon.

It distracts him momentarily, the copious amounts of homework set, but it’s not enough to stop Luke from wishfully thinking whether Ashton will want to be Luke’s friend again. Probably not, but one can dream. 

The only thing Luke’s looking forward to, is the shopping trip in the afternoon. It probably won’t be as fun as the first one, where Luke, Ashton, Niall, Harry and Louis just messed about in WHSmith buying the most ridiculous girly books they could find, giggling as they paid for it.

This time, Luke is planning on going to a few stores to buy some new clothes, and some snack to pig out on whilst he’s busy brooding about how he’s already ruined his life.

Calum doesn’t help either - he’s usually stuck between his ‘friends’ and his anxious state of mind, whilst Ashton and Michael are doing, well, okay, with both of them cuddling up to each other, until Michael suddenly flips out, or has an attack. 

“Luke!” Dr. Patrick calls, “Time to take your medicine!” 

Luke quickly hides his phone in his pocket, and follows Dr. Patrick to the medical room, to check Luke’s health and give him his medicine.

“Luke, I am a trained psychologist.” Dr. Patrick says.

“And?” 

Dr. Patrick sighs. “Luke, I understand you’ve had a falling out with Ashton.”

“Yeah?” Luke doesn’t particularly want Dr. Patrick to pry on his inept (read: nonexistent) social abilities.

“I’m just going to say, Ashton is a lovely boy, and I hope you are friends with him again soon.” Dr. Patrick finishes monitoring his heart rate, and hands him his medicine, “Luke, also, you’ll be allowed to go shopping, as you haven’t exceeded three behaviour points.”

Luke smiles. “Thanks Doc.” and walks off, taking his medicine without water. 

Luke doesn't want to talk to anyone right now, not that anyone would talk to him, obviously, so Luke sits down on the sofa, and takes out a book he bought last week, when he was still friends with Ashton.

It’s called Every Day, by David Levithan, and Luke needs to read it to distract himself from the voices inside his head. He quickly flicks to page one, after reading the blurb. It’s good, Luke decides.

—

Ok it’s more than good, and now Luke’s curled up on the sofa wiping away tears (of what?) as he closes the book. 

His phone beeps, and it shakes Luke out of his emotional state, checking the caller id before answering.

“Mum? Why are you calling?” Luke asks, because his mum never calls unless something is urgent.

“Luke! How are you?” His mother answers, and Luke frowns suspiciously, she’s avoiding his question.

“I’m very well, thank you, and you?” Luke replies monotonously - it’s the answer he always gives.

“I’m fine, now listen Luke, I’m going away to Dubai for about five months, so I won’t be able to visit, however, I’ve talked to your doctor, to ask whether he could give you some more entertainment, so now they’re going to install an ice rink and a swimming pool in the basement of the hospital. I’m funding the modification, so the ice rink should be ready in about a month, and the swimming pool maybe about one month and a half. Okay, sorry I can’t be there, but business calls, very urgent, thanks!” his mum ends the call. 

Luke ignores the twinge of hurt and runs across the hall to tell Dr. Patrick that a swimming pool and an ice rink are both unnecessary.

“Dr. Patrick!” Luke runs across the hall as he sees a flash of white talking to a nurse.

“Yes Luke?”

“Uh, I just got a phone ca— I mean letter from my mum, saying that she’s funded for an ice rink and a swimming pool to be built in the basement?” Luke asks, wary of the fact that he nearly accidentally let slip that he’s still got his phone with him.

Dr. Patrick smiles. “Tell your mother thank you, by the way, however it’s not the basement, it’s the two buildings next to us that will be turned into an ice and leisure centre, and your mother has paid. She also kindly donated 3.5 million pounds to the hospital, so thank you.”

Luke frowns. “What?”

“I’m sorry we couldn’t use the basement, Luke. This is a council building and I’m very sure they wouldn’t let us, even with the generous funding from your mother. Sorry, Luke.” Dr. Patrick has seriously misunderstood what Luke was insinuating.

“No, no!” Luke quickly protests, “No, I just thought to tell you that I didn’t really want you do it, see, my mother never considers the problems that could be caused for the other people, and I’m sure there are people in the hospital that need medication, whilst here my mum is asking for an ice rink and a swimming pool.”

Dr. Patrick looks surprised. “Wow, okay, however, she told me that you’d probably disagree with her suggestion already, and she says that it’s external, and that she will be giving money to the hospital.”

Luke sighs, he’s run out of points to fight against his mother’s decision. “Alright.” 

It occurs to Luke that he sounds like a spoilt rich kid, and that makes Luke just slightly uncomfortable.

Luke Hemmings, ungrateful failure.

—

Later, after Luke had snuggled into his covers and sulked, Dr. Patrick calls them to go shopping.

“Luke!” Dr. Patrick calls, “We have James for your chauffeur, and Nurse Jane will be monitoring you, in case you have an attack or something, okay?” 

Luke quickly mumbles a thanks and clambers into the Porsche. 

“Good Afternoon, Mr. Hemmings.” James smiles, and Luke means to protest, James should call Luke by his first name, “Where would you like to go?” 

Luke bites his lip. “Oxford Street.”

“Of course, sir.” James turns to face the front.

They drive in silence for about thirty minutes, with Luke basically internally screaming at how fucking stupid he is, and how he’s just so weak, so pathetic, and that the voices are right, Luke really needs to get a grip. He’s prided himself on being quite unemotional, well, and so far Luke has been sulking away underneath his bedcovers where he thinks the voices can’t get to him. But they can. They always find a way to torment Luke, and Luke just doesn’t like it. 

“Here we are sir.” James smiles politely and opens the door. 

“Call me Luke.” 

“Of course sir.” 

Luke sighs and is faintly aware of the nurse following him as he heads off to find some new clothes.

It’s hard, since there aren’t too many graphic tee shops, so Luke goes into a few expensive shops and buys some jackets and sweaters, spending over two thousand pounds, because Luke finds that when he’s fucking mad at himself for being such a failure, weakly wasting money helps take away some of the anger.

Luke mindlessly weaves around the crowd, not caring whether his nurse has lost him or not. He quickly spies a decent graphic shop a few streets away from Oxford Street and walks in. A girl with faded pastel blue hair looks up from whatever the fuck she was looking at and smiles at Luke.

“Alright? Or do you need any help?” she says and Luke smiles politely and shakes his head. 

Within three minutes of wandering around the store, Luke has an armful of graphic tees he really likes, and is heading off to the changing room. 

“Fucking shit, I’m so sorry!” Luke somehow stumbles backwards and has bumped into the curtains of another changing room, and of course it’s occupied, because it’s just Luke’s luck. 

The stranger smiles amusedly and shrugs him off, and Luke blushes when he can hear the faint giggle of the nurse behind him. Quickly, he steps into a changing room and takes off his sweater, but somehow Luke gets stuck, so all Luke can think about is that if he had an attack like this, oh god. 

Luke struggles a bit before managing to pull his sweater off his torso, and quickly picks up on of the graphic tees, just for size. And then Luke definitely isn’t going to take a few mirror selfies before buying the whole lot. Nope, Luke definitely does not do that. 

After Luke has taken a few nice selfies, he scoops up all of the the tees and carries them to the counter, but not before stopping on the way to pick up some more tees. 

The girl at the till raises her eyebrows. “Is that all?” 

Luke glances down at the bundle of tees on the counter. “I guess?” 

“Right.” 

The girl spends a few minutes scanning his items, and Luke realises that the girl was implying that Luke was buying too much shit. It sort of shows though, with the numerous bags with expensive labels that Luke is holding.

“That’ll be £254.92 please.” The girl finishes packaging the t-shirts, and this is a reasonable price, seeing as he has twenty odd tees, and roughly each is about £10.

Handing his card to the girl who inserts it into the pin machine, Luke glances around at the shop. It’s pretty, with sloping wooden beams and flannel flung about (artistically of course). The girl hands Luke the pin machine and Luke quickly enters his pin number, and waits for confirmation before sliding his card out. 

“There you go sir. Have a nice day!” The girl smiles at Luke and hands him two large bags. 

“You too.” Luke replies, checking the time.

He signals to the nurse that it’s time to go, because James will be waiting exactly where he dropped them off, and so the both of them exit the shop, the numerous shopping bags tangling against Luke’s legs. 

“Nurse? What’s your name?” Luke asks, vaguely remembering Dr. Patrick telling him whilst clabbering into the Porsche. 

“Jane.” The nurse has mid length brown hair, with doe-like eyes and a small nose. Luke guesses she’s in her twenties. They stop outside the place James dropped them off, and Luke shuffles his feet on the pavement, setting all his bags down. 

James arrives and nothing much happens afterwards.

—

Two days later, after Luke has put on his new sweater which probably cost more than all the beds in the ward added together, he works up the nerve to approach Ashton with an apology he’s spent the two days writing. 

“Hey? Ash…ton.” Luke stumbles over his nickname for Ashton, “Could I like, talk to you?”

Luke has his speech written down on the palm of his hand, so Luke figures he should be fine. “Please?” When Ashton looks up at him hesitantly. 

“What? You’re here to tell him that he’s a manipulative liar that only wants money?” Michael, who’s cuddling Ashton protectively, sneers.

“No, I just want to - Ash, I swear to god, can you please just leave Michael for, like, a minute, you two are just sickeningly cute -, wait,” Luke sighs, he never had a gift with words, “Just trust me and talk to me privately.” 

Ashton says nothing, but he slowly untangles himself from Michael’s arms and pulls Luke towards the entertainment room, and sits down.

“Well?” Ashton looks at Luke expectantly. 

Luke widens his eyes. “Oh, yeah. Right.” He clears his voice and looks at his palm. “Ashton Irwin—”

Ashton interrupts him. “What is this, a marriage proposal?”

This makes Luke blush and a faint growl comes from the other side of the door. 

“Mikey!” Ashton shouts, “Go away!”

“If Luke proposes to you, I swear to god, I will crush him like a flower.” Michael grumbles from the other side of the door. 

Luke scratches his head. “Ashton Irwin. I have been an unforgivable fucktard for calling you, in short, a gold digger, and I’m sorry. It’s just that—”

Luke squints at his palm. “I’ve? Does that say I’ve? Shit, sorry Ashton.”

Suddenly, Ashton giggles. “Luke, did you write a sorry speech on your palm?”

“No?”

A crushing weight is suddenly engulfing Luke. “You’re too cute, you dork!” 

Luke figures they’re okay.

“So, Luke, why don’t you show me what you got when you went shopping.” Ashton smiles, and they walk out of the entertainment room, and all Luke can think is how glad Ashton isn’t mad at him, and that Luke isn’t such a failure at all. Luke just sort of awkwardly fails at life now that he thinks about it. I mean, the most rebellious thing he’s done is waste some of his mum’s money, but then he’d felt so guilty about it, he’d called his mum to say sorry.

Michael watches Luke from a distance, so Luke shifts uncomfortably and cracks strange faces at Ashton. 

“Ooh this sweater is nice!” Ashton rubs his face against one of Luke’s new purchases. “What’s is made out of?”

“Angora, cashmere and some other shit on the label.” Luke replies offhandedly.

Ashton throws it onto the bed, but not before patting it gently. 

“Cool tees!” Ashton exclaims, as Luke pulls out his drawer full of the graphic t-shirts he bought.

“Yeah, yeah, I’ll take you to the shop some time.” Luke smiles at Ashton’s enthusiasm.

“I want a t-shirt with Ashton’s dick.” Michael shouts from the other side of the room.

Calum gags and throws a pillow at Michael.

—

The following hour, Michael went and shouted at Ashton for being such a clingy boyfriend, like, Luke was pretty angry at Michael, but Ashton seemed to pity him, god knows why.

“No, but like, you know he’s got bad anger issues.” Ashton tries to convince Luke to not be angry at Michael, but, damn, Michael right now he’s -432436279/10 would not date. 

And also, Luke can tell Ashton pretty upset, since, he probably believes everything that comes out of Michael’s mouth. 

“Boys! Can I talk to all of you in my office for a moment?” Dr. Patrick calls, interrupting Ashton and Luke’s conversation, and right now, Luke is thanking the stars as he can tell Ashton’s on the verge of crying.

Calum starts walking nervously towards the door, hunched as if he’d been through traumatic experiences, which, obviously, he had, no doubt.

“Calum, come on, sit.” Dr. Patrick waves his hand kindly at the chair. Calum shifts away from the chair and shuffles towards Michael, who holds out his hands for Calum to take. 

The rest of the boys come in, screaming and soaking wet, and Luke doesn’t even want to know.

Although the boys calm down once they realise Calum’s whimpering and Michael’s glaring.

“Alright, hello boys.” Dr. Patrick stares down at them through his glasses. “I’d like to discuss your recent mental checkups. Good news - everyone’s reports have significantly improved ever since Luke got here.”

“Calum,” Dr. Patrick continues after all the boys have finished wooping, “Are you okay?”

Calum lifts his head slowly, his puppy eyes going wide and sad. “I-I’m fine.”

“That’s all, and I’ll take to you all individually now.” Dr. Patrick averts his attention to the rest. “Luke, you first.”

The other boys turn to leave, and Luke is sat rooted to his chair.

“Off you go, shoo.” Dr. Patrick motions to Michael who’s glaring at Luke, “Now.”

After Michael has left the room, Dr. Patrick turns to Luke. “Luke, well done, major improvements on every one’s health, wow. Now, your schizophrenia is being kept under wraps with the medicine yes? Right, so I was thinking if we lowered your dose gradually, until nothing, we could potentially ‘cure’ - and I say cure in the vaguest way possible - your schizophrenia.”

Luke cracks a grin. “Really? Does it work?”

Dr. Patrick shuffles some paper. “It may or may not work. Niall was put on the course as well, but as you can see, it didn’t work. However, there was a previous warder named Zayn whom he course worked on.” 

This information makes Luke’s heart want to burst out of his chest, because wow yes please.

“Of course I’d like to try!” Luke replies, smiling widely.

“Wonderful!” Dr. Patrick smiles and shuffles his paper. “That’s all, thank you Luke. Oh, and take care of Calum - he seems to have taken a liking to you.”

Luke doesn’t react until he’s curled in his bed, and let’s out loud screams, muffled by his duvet, because, damn, Calum, wow.

—

“Calum, how’re you doing?” Dr. Patrick looks up sympathetically up at Calum.

“Fine.”

“So what do you think of Luke?” Dr. Patrick asks.

Calum ponders for a bit. If Calum answers truthfully, Luke might find out, and would Luke like him back? Obviously not, Calum’s pretty ugly, and messed up. “I-I don’t know.”

“He’s a nice boy yeah?” Dr. Patrick replies, scratching his head. “I’m sure he’d like it very much if you opened up to him.”

“Do you think?” Calum widens his eyes and looks at Dr. Patrick, not believing him.

“I’m sure of it.” 

“O-okay.” Calum blinks a few times. “T-thanks Doc.” 

“You’re welcome Calum.” says Dr. Patrick leaning back on his chair.

Gingerly, Calum stands up and casts a look at the door. He wants to ask Dr. Patrick how he can be so sure, but he doesn’t want to talk anymore than he needs. 

Michael’s still being nice, Calum supposes, even though he’s got his boyfriend.

Calum quickly steps out of the room, and he sees Luke screaming (squealing?) on his bed. 

Standing there, Calum debates whether to go over to talk to Luke.

In the end, Calum decides not to.

Cowardcowardcowardcowardcoward.

—

The next week blurs by, and Luke is starting to try and deal with his not-a-crush on Calum, by telling himself that he can only stare at Calum on Mondays, Thursdays and Fridays, but only thirty seconds at most, only three times a day. If Luke has done something particularly good, then he can reward himself with an extra look at Calum. Luke doesn’t even know why he’s doing this, but Luke definitely knows he does not have a crush on Calum Hood. His face is just Luke’s aesthetic.

Wait, no it’s not.

“Hey, Luke, look what Mikey got me!” Ashton runs up excitedly towards Luke, waving a shopping bag in Luke’s face.

“What?” Luke asks.

“Look! Look!” Ashton pulls out a massive teddy bear, and a few jeans. “Oh my god, Mikey’s the best boyfriend ever!”

Luke purses his lips. “Why did he suddenly give you all these gifts?” 

“It’s Valentine’s Day you dolt.” Ashton replies, smacking Luke with his massive teddy bear. 

It is indeed, Luke realises, and since it’s Valentine’s day, Luke can stare at Calum for fifteen seconds.

“Okay, cool.” Luke nods his head, searching for Calum, because it’s a special occasion.

“Hey!” Ashton suddenly says, “We could set you up with Calum, I mean, I always catch both of you staring at each other, well, sometimes, and you’d make such a cute couple!” 

Luke sputters. “I do not stare at Calum!” (Yes he does.)

“You do.” Louis and Harry join them in the entertainment room, and right now Spongebob is playing on the screens. 

“No, I don’t.” Luke is indignant - how dare they insinuate that he stares at Calum?

“Yeah, right.” Louis looks pointedly at Luke, who pretends not to notice Louis.

“Oh my god! This is like, my favourite episode ever!” Niall flops down on top of Ashton, earning a loud oof, and Ashton whining about how Niall is too heavy.

They carry on watching, and Luke thinks they’ve all forgotten about Luke’s not-crush on Calum.

Niall suddenly turns his head to face Luke and grins. “Oh, you so have a crush on Calum by the way.”

Spluttering, Luke nearly falls off his seat in annoyance, and all the boys laugh at Luke, so Luke pouts and ignores all of them.

“Oh, Luke’s so bad arse, look at the middle finger he’s giving us!” The rest of the boys laugh at Louis’ comment and Luke wants to run away.

“Stop teasing me!” and all the boys fall back laughing, the Spongebob episode forgotten.

They spend the rest of the Spongebob episode acting out scenes in which Luke proposes to Calum, but Luke can’t help but notice the small shuffling sounds from outside the cinema room.

That’s not Michael, Luke is sure, because last time he checked, Michael was with Dr. Patrick.

It seems to not bother any one that Luke is slowly shuffling towards the door, so Luke quickly sprints out, knocking into a thin body.

“Sorry!” Luke cries out, as he steps back, taking in the sight of Calum staring at him all puppy eyed.

“I-It’s fine.” Calum says quietly, stepping away from Luke, “S-sorry for eavesdropping, you all were just so very loud, I couldn’t help but h-hear, I-I’m sorry.”

It occurs to Luke that Calum is probably thinking what a creep Luke is, so he doesn’t realise Calum staring at him for some kind of acceptance of forgiveness.

Calum swallows. “I-I really am sorry, Luke, I hope y-you can forgive me.” And Luke suddenly understands what dire a situation this is.

“Wait, no, I don’t mind that you were eavesdropping, just, it was sort of embarrassing so…” Luke trails off, staring at everything apart from Calum’s face, because it’s been longer than fifteen seconds, which is the time Luke allocated himself for staring at Calum.

“Okay, I understand.” Calum shakily brushes some of his hair out of his face. “W-would you— never mind.” 

Shitshitshit. Luke is egging Calum on slightly, because if this is what Luke thinks it is, then Luke is going to be a very happy schizophrenic freak.

Luke nods eagerly, but Calum seems to have lost confidence in what he was saying, and quickly rushes off without another word, straight into Dr. Patrick’s office. Damn it. 

It probably wasn't even what Luke thought it was, and Luke is so stupid for thinking Calum might have been asking for a date, stupid stupid stupid. Luke just wants to hit some sense into his brain with a saucepan.

—

Stupidstupidstupidstupidstupid. Calum mentally berates himself, and momentarily congratulates himself because for once Calum doesn’t sound like the messed up little shit he is, but a normal teenager with a normal crush. Calum has accepted the fact that he may have a slight crush on Luke, and Luke is probably 4894839% straight, but a boy can dream. At least Calum has Michael, who may pick on Calum, and sometimes shout at him, but Michael is his Best Friend That Sort Of Succeeded In Life - also known as Ashton’s boyfriend. 

Why did he do that? At least Calum stopped himself so Luke doesn’t hate him forever. 

Idiot Idiot Idiot. 

—

Luke spends the next few days sulking in his bed for god knows why, and Ashton is pretty worried, as Ashton keeps on whispering (shouting) at Michael about how Ashton can try and cheer Luke up. However, the red haired boy just ignores Ashton’s musings, and tells Ashton to just shut up because Luke doesn’t deserve happiness at all. Luke guesses Michael isn’t too fond of Luke considering he did make Ashton sad for quite a long time.

“Luke, why are you sulking in your bed?” Niall whines and plops himself on Luke’s feet. 

Luke glares at Niall. “I’m not.” 

“Oh shit.” Luke hears as a response and he gets confused momentarily before he watches Calum collapse to the ground in sob, suddenly, he realises that Calum is getting a lot less Schizophrenic attacks. 

Calum seems to fall to the ground sobbing and whimpering, and Luke can hear traces of, “He won’t, he won’t, idiot, idiot.”

The sudden motion of Calum slashing out at the floor startles Luke and Luke can feel the barrier against the voices in his head slowly breaking down, nonononononono—

And Luke collapses.

—

It’s not till much later, Calum observes, that Luke wakes up. Of course, it wasn’t unlikely Luke collapsed because of the triggering of Calum’s own panic attack, but at least Luke hadn’t been conscious to hear Calum screaming out Luke’s name. Hopefully none of his friends would tell Luke, but Calum doubts it. 

Calum remembers the first time he was in the ward. Calum was fifteen and he had just been diagnosed with whatever, when someone knocked on his door. Michael had answered it, and before Calum knew it, they were both shoved into the ward. Calum remembers that Michael spent two weeks plotting a way out, and Calum had just cried and cried and cried, so Michael had left Calum all on his own. 

Calum remembers the first time he tried to talk to someone other than Michael. It had been a tall boy named Zayn who was as intimidating as he looked. Calum had never tried to ask any of the other boys for some help after that, and Calum was thankful Zayn had left the ward, so that he wouldn’t have to endure copious amounts of teasing about how skinny Zayn said Calum was. 

But right now, Calum feels sort of safe around Luke, and he doesn’t know why.

Calum is always confident sometimes, but that’s his anxiety getting so strong that he has an itch just to scare people around him, and most of the time Calum is a scared little boy and he hates it. 

He hates that he’s so small.

He hates that he’s so pathetic and weak. 

Calum just hates himself.

—

“Luke, I think,” Louis is perched precariously on Luke’s knee, sucking a lollipop, “that you should admit that you have a crush on Calum.”

“I don’t though.” Luke replies. (Lie.)

“Yes you do.” Ashton reinforces, “And guess what? Calum likes you too, just like me and Michael.” 

“No he doesn’t.”

“Uh, yes, he does.” Niall says.

“Shut up and go fuck yourselves.” Luke grumbles and gets up - he’s in his underwear and socks, as they’re nearly going to bed, “Why do you always hang around my bed anyway?”

“Uh, because it’s big and comfortable, duh.” Niall says, rubbing the goose down duvet. Luke had forgotten about his rich perks, and honestly? Luke knew he sounded like a spoilt rich kid but sometimes he wished that he could relate more to his friends.

“Hey, talking about your crush, have you heard that Harry talked to Calum?” Louis is now taking up Luke’s space since Luke pushed him off his knee. 

“For the last time, I do not have a crush on Calum! I am straight! I like vagina!” Luke bursts out, so desperate to cover up his not crush on Calum.

Everyone freezes as Calum slowly stands up. Oh shit, Calum fucking heard.

Fuck fuck fuck fuck.

Quickly backing away, Luke tries to amend himself.

“N-no not like that, uh, I-I don’t know wha-what I’m saying—”

“Dude you’ve fucked up.” Comes a whisper behind Luke, and, truly, he has fucked up.

The air in the room grows still, and Calum is in his hospital attire, not having the protection of Michael, because god knows where he is. Luke vaguely realises that Louis is shuffling about on Luke’s bed, and overall, just Oh, Shit. This is definitely and Oh, Shit moment, especially since, Luke will now admit, he may be just a little smitten with Calum, and have his babies. 

But, like, it’s not like Luke has thought about this, oh no. (Actually he’s decided who’s the big spoon and the little spoon and everything in between.)

Luke needs to focus on the situation ahead of him though. He’s standing almost defiantly (in his underwear and socks) and is facing Calum, who’s in his hospital gown. Everything is quiet and this reminds Luke of the time him and his mum got VIP tickets to a bull ring in Spain, which meant they had the best view of the killing. Strangely enough, Luke feels himself shrinking under Calum’s stare, and a lot like that butchered bull he saw that holiday.

“H-hey guys? I want some cake, what about you?” Ashton pipes up, his eyes never leaving the tension between Calum and Luke. The others jump up in agreement and before Luke knows it, they have left the room, apart from Harry, who’s tucked under the covers sleeping soundly.

Luke averts his attention onto Calum - he’s been avoiding this confrontation. God knows what Calum’s going to do. 

Calum steps closer to Luke, quite confidently, although Luke can see some pain in his eyes. (That may be the trick of the light though.)

Luke watches intently as Calum inspects Luke, much rather if one inspected a brand new toy.

“Don’t worry,” Calum starts, loud and clear, “I don’t like you either.”

And this very sentence, spoken, ringing in Luke’s ear, makes him remember all those bad memories in his Private school life. He opens his mouth to retort back, but only ends up with a few broken sounds coming out.

When Luke was fourteen, he picked up a romance novel which his mum had left on a bookshelf. It was right before Liz Hemmings was an international icon, and Luke was happy then. He’d read the book, and scoffed to himself - these characters were truly pathetic, Luke thought, whining about a chemical reaction in the brain, love. He thought that he would never feel that way, he would never experience heartbreak, because at that time when one is fourteen, one feels invincible, and that’s exactly what Luke thought he was. 

But now, now is different. Now is Luke standing opposite this boy he’s known for about a month, he’s standing in front of, he admits, the boy that he likes. And right now Luke finds out how rejection feels - it’s not Luke whining on about not enough attention from his mum, it’s this.

Luke doesn’t know what to do. He’s frozen, standing immobile staring at Calum, whilst Calum does the same. Luke has always prided himself in his exceptional reading of people’s emotions, but Calum doesn’t show any emotions. There’s a hard shell surrounding Calum, and finally Luke realises, Calum doesn’t have different personalities, Calum has a shell, and it’s sometimes up, when Calum is exceptionally confident. When the shell isn’t up, Calum is reduced to broken pieces of himself, without the shell, and Luke doesn’t want to fix it, Luke wants nothing more to just hold Calum, just how he is, and tell him that it’s going to be okay. 

But Luke can’t, because he’s ruined every fucking chance he ever had to be with Calum, however small that was. 

Luke can’t describe what he’s feeling right now, because this is probably the most intense emotion he has felt right now. 

It hurts his chest, like his insides have been scooped out with a spoon, and there’s a sharp stinging feeling which pierces through his heart. Time is frozen for a few moments, as Luke tries to overcome the immense pain that’s clinging to his body. 

Luke focuses back on Calum, his eyes wide and unwavering. 

“Glad that’s s-sorted out.” Luke wants to cry as he speaks these words. 

—

Calum wants to cry as Luke utters the words. It’s like Luke isn’t affected by the fact that Calum says he’s not interested in Luke. 

This just confirms Calum’s suspicions that Luke should never ever be approached, no matter how big a crush Calum has on Luke.

—

Calum starts to walk away, and Luke watches, but he notices the subtle shake in his hands, his shoulders, his body. 

“Calum, wait!” Luke calls before he can think, and it’s probably the pain in his chest and the nervousness he feels around Calum that makes him act on impulse.

Fuck what does Luke say? Calum turns around almost curiously and stares at Luke warily, which makes Luke feel a bit funny in the tummy, like someone’s dropped a shit ton of stones in it.

Luke opens his mouth but no sounds comes out and he stays frozen like that for a few seconds before realising that Calum is waiting for an answer. Shit, Luke needs to think of something to say but his mind has gone completely blank and all he can think of right now is that cat video where the cat falls behind the bed.

Of course, Calum turns to leave, which makes Luke panic, so all rational thoughts flee his brain, and Luke blurts out, “It’s a lie.”

“What is?” Calum says quietly.

“That… t-th-that,” Luke starts, closing his eyes and debating whether to do it or not, “That I don’t like you.”

Luke immediately clamps his hand onto his mouth and closes his eyes. He can feel the regret wave through him, and tells himself to call his mum to move him to another hospital.

“Hey, Luke?” Calum asks hesitantly, “Are y-you telling the truth?”

Luke wants to deny this, to pretend that this was a horrible, horrible prank, that Ashton set him up to this, but he remembers Ashton telling him how bad a past Calum has had, and so decides to tell the truth.

“Yes, I’m telling the truth. I have a crush on you and I-you don’t have to say it back.”

However, Luke doesn’t wait for a response because he’s too much of a coward so he runs off before Calum can say anything, and chances are, it wouldn’t have been pretty.

Oh shit. Quickly Luke runs into the entertainment room where he guesses his friends have been listening in. 

“Luke!” Niall screams when Luke bursts in. “I’m so proud of you bro!”

“What? For ruining every chance I might’ve had with Calum?” Luke says, trying to cover up his hurt.

“No, for like…” Niall trails off, obviously thinking what to say.

“Exactly.” Luke finishes off.

Later, when Luke is huddled in bed, he tries not to let anyone hear his sobbing, because Luke is just so weak and pathetic and selfish that he cries about a crush.

Luke Hemmings, pathetic failure.

—

“Damn it!” Michael whispers to Ashton under the covers they’re sharing, and Ashton can’t believe how lucky lucky lucky he is to have Michael, who’s basically 6 foot of kitten, “Calum’s off sulking about how he’s a coward, and I don’t really care about Luke.”

Ashton pouts at his boyfriend’s words. “Don’t say that about Luke. He’s cool.”

“Yeah, maybe him, but his family certainly isn’t.” Michael replies, and Ashton freezes at the word family. Ashton tries to forget that…part of his life but it always comes back to him, the pain still fresh at losing your protective figures, and then his siblings. 

“At least he has a family.” Ashton whispers, not trying to hold back the tears.

Michael sighs. “Aw, baby.” and pulls Ashton close into his body. Ashton shifts his body to fit around Michael’s.

“You smell nice, Mikey.” Ashton wants to do anything to take his mind off of his family.

This makes Michael chuckle. “You smell nice too.” 

Michael kisses the top of Ashton’s head, whilst rearranging the duvets.

“Luke’s pretty sad to be honest. He thinks he’s just been rejected by Calum.” Ashton says.

“Hm.” Michael leaves it at that before diving in to kiss a startled Ashton, who makes a small mmph sound before melting into the kiss.

—

Two weeks later, Luke has literally given up on all means of life. He’s sitting at his desk attacking his homework furiously with a pen, which had been given to Luke as a present from David Beckham. Apparently it was some kind of rare metal and had cost the Beckhams fortunes. 

“Damnation!” Luke bursts out as he punctures a hole neatly in the centre of the science question, he doesn’t know why he uses that particular phrase, but Luke usually starts sprouting out strange phrases when he’s angry.

He’s on his own right now because everyone else is either in medication or in the entertainment room. Luke feels sort of trapped as he quickly scribbles down an answer for his homework. After Luke had been an idiot, Calum (and Michael, strangely) had avoided Luke ever since, and to be honest, Luke doesn’t feel as bad as he thought he would. He still wants to kick himself for being a right idiot though.

Tapping his pen rapidly against the side of the table, Luke quickly pulls out some speakers and plays Lovely by Twenty One Pilots. It’s a good song and right now Luke wants to just pull out his blankets and feel sorry for himself, but sadly, homework calls.

A pair of hands suddenly cover Luke’s eyes so Luke squeals and falls off his chair. 

“Harry! That’s not cool!”

Louis is helping Luke up. 

“Sorry Luke.” Harry says, staring at his hands like a naughty child.

“It’s fine.” 

Needless to say, for the next hour, Luke doesn’t get much homework done after he throws his biscuit at Harry, which escalates into something else.

“Fuck!” a food covered Louis shouts as he bumps into another person, which so happens to be Calum.

“I’m so sorry, are you okay?” Louis immediately asks after he realises it’s Calum, and in reply, Calum sniffs and nods his head shakily. 

“You fucker, watch yourself next time.” Michael takes Calum by the shoulder, glaring at Louis.

“S-sorry, mate.” Louis stutters out an apology before slowly backing away.

“Yeah, sorry.” Michael roughly shoves past Harry who’s frozen in fright, but Michael’s movements on Calum are surprising gentle.

Luke hears a gentle whisper of “Are you okay?” from Michael, and Calum nods in response.

The fact that Calum is so close to Michael makes Luke want to cry because, damn it, he wants to be as close to Calum as Michael is.

However, Luke can’t help but notice that Calum’s had more attacks than usual. 

He doesn’t look too well either. 

Louis runs up to a shaking Harry and the sight of this just makes Luke want to squeal. 

Damn it, he wants a relationship like this with Calum. 

No! Stop thinking of Calum! Luke squeezes his eyes in a desperate attempt to banish any thought of… of… (he really should have a code name for Calum) him.

“Are you ok, Haz?” Louis asks, running his hands in Harry’s hair before pulling him in tight and kissing the top of Harry’s head. In return, Harry nods, his perfectly combed curls bouncing around.

“Good. Now get the fuck away from me.” Louis suddenly bursts out, and Harry quickly cowers under his arms.

Luke watches horrified. 

“Louis?” Harry whimpers, and Luke remembers the bipolar disorder Louis has. 

This exchange seems to trigger something from Harry though, and in the next moment Luke is standing shocked as he watches Harry scream and scream and grapple at his hair, his face, the floor.

Luke can’t do anything but clamp his hands tightly against his ears, feeling his heartbeat become irregular. No no no no no no no no no—

Luke shuts his eyes, he squeezes them tightly, and starts to rock back and forth. 

Calumcalumcalumcalumcalum.

It helps Luke control his breathing, as he chants Calum’s name again and again.

Calum Calum Calum.

Luke tries to stop all those voices and make it stop. Luke wants it to just stop. Stopstopstop. 

Maybe these voices wouldn’t come back is Luke just fucking listened to them. No! Luke shakes his head frantically, the voices aren’t real, they’re not real, not real, not real, not real.

Oh, but how real they sound, they sound so enticing, so promising, that Luke might just give in. 

Luke quickly reaches out, his hand trembling, grabbing the closest thing he feels, and starts to rub his tear stained face into it. 

Luke vaguely remembers a soft hand and a small reassurance.

—

There are 537829 million faces crowding around Luke and Luke quickly bats away the image before he hears an “ow.”

“Ow!” Ashton shrieks, shielding his nose. “Luke, you mean cow.”

“Sorry.” Luke croaks out. 

“Are you okay, Luke?” Dr. Patrick’s worried face slowly becomes in focus.

Luke replies, “Yeah, I think so.” 

“Good. That day you forgot to report for medicine.” Dr. Patrick frowns disapprovingly at Luke. “We give you the medicine to prevent that from happening.”

“Sorry, Doc.” 

“Luke!” Louis comes running up to Luke with a frantic look on his face, “Sorry! Sorry! I’m so sorry!”

“It’s fine, Louis.” Louis’ yipping is getting on Luke’s nerves.

“Are you sure?” Louis replies.

“Yes. Have you checked up on Harry?” Luke tries to change the topic. 

“Yeah, he understands.” Louis looks like a kicked puppy. 

Luke leaves it at that. “Okay. Now, in the politest way possible, shut the fuck up.”

This makes Louis open his mouth to protest, but immediately shuts it after realising he’s giving Luke a headache. 

“Sure, sure.” Louis whispers and backs away.

Luke closes his eyes and sighs. He’s been placed into his bed and it’s comfy as fuck, which makes Luke just want to sleep.

Slowly, Luke starts to doze off. 

“L-Luke?” a small whisper comes from Luke’s bedside. Luke turns around grumpily before freezing as he realises it’s Calum, with Michael glaring at Luke about five metres off.

For a second, Luke is torn between simply ignoring Calum or answering Calum. 

Luke sighs. Damn he’s just not strong enough. “Yes, Calum?”

Calum shakily takes a breath in, glancing at Michael who gives a thumbs up before returning to glare at Luke. “I just… wanted you to know that… that… thank you for telling the truth. No one’s ever wanted me before. So, so I wanted to let you know that—”

All of a sudden, Calum starts to hyperventilate, which makes Michael run up to Calum’s side, and Michael carefully pats Calum. Michael whispers a few comforting words to Calum and in reply Calum nods shakily.

“That I, I like you too.” 

With that, Calum’s dark brown eyes start to waver, his body hunched inwards, as if Calum had been sucked dry with a straw, and at this moment, Luke internally promises that no, he won’t fix Calum, that he won’t change Calum, Luke will love Calum as much as the stars do cross, as much as the glass does break, Luke will love Calum, and make Calum stand up tall, and make Calum realise that Calum is C A L U M, not Calum, the schizophrenic freak.

Luke looks up from his bed and hugs Calum, with all his soul, his mind, and all Luke wants to shout to the world, is how lucky Luke Hemmings is, he feels as if his heart is going to burst out of his rib cage, Luke feels he is bigger than his body, but most of all, Luke Hemmings feels like a supernova. 

— 

“Thank you.” and Luke looks at Calum in surprise.

“What for?”

“For loving me, as the broken pieces of glass even I was scared to touch, for gathering up all those broken pieces and hugging them, and thank you, for not fixing me.” Calum says, and he pronounces his words the way one would pronounce a poem, delicate and questioning.

“Why would I fix something that isn’t broken?” Luke replies, stroking Calum’s palm.

Luke turns his head and he looks at Calum. Calum has his eyes closed, and he’s wearing what looked like a vest and black skinny jeans, and his lips are red, as though he’d sucked on a cherry, and his eyes, oh his eyes, when Calum finally looks back at Luke, his eyes were the smoky kind, the kind that you didn’t know whether there were mountains, or rivers hiding beneath the fog of his eyes and goddamn— it takes Luke’s breath away.

Calum looks, he looks like Luke’s daydreams, his fantasies incarcerated into a human body, he looked like the butterflies in his stomach, he looked liked the missing heartbeat. 

Luke wants to wake up before sunrise, to kiss his lips before sunlight could. And he wants to fall asleep beside him, to gently brush the strands of hair covering his eyes, and he wants to be enraptured in the one human, to marvel at how Calum was his. 

“When I was little,” Calum replies, softly tracing Luke’s collar bones, “my mum used to look after me, and every day, she’d ask me whether I was feeling okay, and I’d always reply with a yes. Even when I was nine, and my father had just punched me, I’d say yes. And it was the truth. I was okay. I certainly felt okay, I was okay. I answered with yes, because I’d never felt not okay. Or rather, I never experienced being okay.”

They pause there, and Luke feels as if Calum is galaxies. Every part of Calum is concealed by schizophrenia, but underneath, there is galaxies. There are stars, and planets and the twinkle in his eyes. 

Calum smiles. “But now I realise that every one of those days were not okay. If I knew what I was feeling now, I would repeat the word no again and again and again, because now, goddamn, I know what okay feels like.”

They lie side by side in a park, in the evening, since they sneaked out of the restaurant without the nurse knowing. 

It’s been three months, and Luke does not know how much he’s matured, and how much he needs to thank Calum. 

Luke presses a light kiss into Calum’s neck.

—

Luke wake up one day and he thinks something is wrong. The air he’s breathing is wrong, the light shining through the curtains is wrong. Everything is wrongwrongwrong. 

His mum comes. Luke’s. 

“You’re better.” his mum says. Luke isn’t. Luke nods.

“You’re coming home.” His mum says. Luke doesn’t want to. Luke nods. 

Luke nods his head frantically. No no no no.

Luke nods until he’s shaking his head, he feels like he’s hit a tornado and it’s whirring him in; Luke feels like he is the tornado. 

It doesn’t register to Luke the audience he has. 

“No no no no no.” Luke says, eyes wide. “I don’t want to leave.”

Luke looks at Calum and his heart thumps loudly. Calum’s black hair is tussled up, and the hospital gown hangs loosely around his body, but Luke has never seen anything more beautiful, Calum’s eyes are big and surprised, with glints of orange embers reflecting off the sun, and his mouth, Luke craved. Luke craved for the touch of Calum’s lips on his, to taste Calum again until everything was Calum, when Calum consumed his entire being.

Luke enjoyed being surrounded by his friends. His real friends.

Liz scoffs. “Don’t be silly. You don’t want to be surrounded by… these people.”

“I was one of them, hell, I am one of them.” Luke reiterates bitterly.

“Come on Luke, pack your bag!” his mother answers.

Luke turns curiously to Dr. Patrick. “I didn’t know schizophrenia could be cured.”

“Of course, it cannot be cured completely, but yours has been suppressed.” Dr. Patrick explains, “We gradually reduced your dose of medicine and for the past three weeks, we’ve been giving you placebos.”

“Right, Luke pack your bags!” Liz inputs, “You know, uh, Aspen Tevasco, of Tevasco oils, well she has a nice daughter which I’d like you to meet.”

This sentence hangs in the air and Luke can’t bring himself to look at Calum, but he can feel Calum’s eyes burn supernovas into his back.

Instead, Luke becomes a coward and silently walks to his bed. 

“Well, Luke! I’ll be outside in the car.” Liz walks out, no doubt to get away from all the ‘freaks’.

“So, you’re going?” Ashton frowns.

Luke doesn’t answer.

“Answer him you fucktard.” Michael shouts, they’ve had a sort of like/hate relationship and Ashton is the main reason Michael can tolerate Luke.

“Yeah.” 

Harry, Louis and Niall all watch wide eyed as Luke quickly tears down his posters and stuffs them in his canvas bag.

Luke feels like someone has scooped his insides with a spoon.

Luke ignores Calum. Luke is itching for Calum’s touch.

—

When Luke arrives home, he quickly runs through the numerous rooms and up the stairs into his impeccably neat room. He quickly jumps in the covers.

Luke can’t describe what he’s feeling right now. It’s sort of like this hand is squeezing Luke’s heart, and all Luke can do is double over and try and control his breathing. Then it stops, the sensation, and Luke thinks, this isn’t too bad, he can deal with it, before that hand comes again, except it’s squeezing harder this time. Luke doesn’t feel like a galaxy, he feels like a speck of dust, lying in its petty state. 

Luke is home, so why doesn’t he feel that way?

Calumcalumcalumcalum.

—

Luke meets Claire Tevasco, a girl with amber eyes and red hair. She’s pretty, Luke guesses. But her eyes are the wrong shade, her eyes aren’t the colour of black coffee that calms Luke down and her hair isn’t the shade of midnight, when Luke feels invincible. She’s attractive, but not to Luke. 

Claire smiles coyly at Luke. Her eyes are the wrong shade. They’re wrong wrong wrong. Her eye’s are too clear, they’re not the colour of midnight mist swirling around a mountain.

Claire twirls her hair. Her hair is the wrong shade. Her hair reminds Luke of the strawberries he used to pick when he was little. It’s the wrong colour, it’s supposed to be darker, like midnight, which made Luke feel like he was everything, and everything was him.

Luke thinks the whole world is crumbling on top of him. 

Luke stands up abruptly. She’s perfect for someone, just not Luke.

“Sorry.” is all Luke says before running out. 

The voices are back, and they’re not fucking going away.

Luke clamps his hands over his ears. Shut up shut up shut up.

All Luke can focus on is the colour of black coffee, with fog that hid mountains, despondency, stars, and salvation. 

Luke sees Calum’s eyes. Luke sees black coffee. 

Luke hears nasty things surrounding him, crowding him, they made Luke want to shrink into his bones, into nothingness.

—

Luke sometimes feels happy and sad, but most of all, Luke feels like nothing.

Calumcalumcalum.

—

That he loves him. He loves him so much.

Liz frowns, “Claire says you just left? What’s this about?”

“The voices.” is all Luke says before Luke runs out. He needs Calum.

God, how he needs Calum.

—

The elevator to the ward makes the click click sound as it reaches the third floor. 

Luke is craving Calum.

Luke pushes open the double set of doors. Luke sees Calum.

He runs towards Calum, the boy that he loves. The boy who’s broken into pieces of glass. Calum’s black coffee eyes, Calum’s midnight hair, the stars and constellations that fill Calum’s face.

They kiss, and Luke feels like a supernova. Luke always feels like a supernova around Calum.

Their kiss is messy, it’s close mouthed, but Luke has never felt anything better. 

“I missed you, and, god, do I love you.” Luke pants breathlessly.

Calum smiles wide, his black coffee eyes crinkling up, “Oh, how I could talk about you, how I could sing about you.”

At that moment, they kiss again and again and again until Ashton separates them, and Luke realises just how much he needs Calum, to be enraptured in Calum.

Luke forgets that Luke and Calum are freaks, Luke forgets that maybe they won’t live a prolonged and happy life, but, goddamn, wouldn’t it be worth it?

**Author's Note:**

> Not edited, and I hope you enjoyed this! oh fuck I haven't written my English essay shit


End file.
